Just Ask
There have been several times in recent months when a wife
has called me with a really desperate situation, a real threat to the security
of her family. Often she believes these
circumstances have been caused by some action or neglect on the part of their
husband. He has either made a bad
decision or failed to act to prevent this catastrophe. Bill collectors are calling, something is
being repossessed, or an eviction notice is on the door. The wife is overwhelmed that the time to act
has passed and now the only hope is to somehow repair and limit the damage. She feels vulnerable and betrayed. Can she ever trust him again?
As I listen, my heart breaks at the pain this loved one is
enduring. This is not the kind of
experience she expected when she recited her vows. Her fear, anger and disappointment can
barely be contained. How could he let this happen? She would have been more careful, more prompt,
or more efficient. She had warned him
about keeping things in order. She is now challenging her husband,
questioning his ability to lead their home, even his manhood. But what else can she do? She has prayed and cried. It seems her only choice is to take over and
do everything herself. It feels like
they have never been so far apart.
Listening to a wife tell a story like this I am at a loss. I know the husband feels terrible about
letting her down. What position can she
take that will not add to this destruction? None of my usual answers about submission and
headship seems adequate. And yet I am
certain that God has provided a biblical response for this wife, one that can stop
the rending and begin the healing.
I am reminded that even in times like this God did not leave
us defenseless. As a wife she is called by God to help. Her skills may actually be needed to work
their way out of the mess they are in but they are not working cooperatively at
this point. Seeking God for wisdom, courage,
patience and strength, she can go to her husband as his helper.
She can just ask, “What can
I do to help?” With this simple
question, delivered with compassion and sincerity, the wife has placed her skills
and abilities at her husband's disposal. It will certainly not make things any
worse. This simple act puts the partners back into their God-assigned
positions. And it may give them a chance to begin working in unity again. What Satan would love to use for evil, the
Lord can use for good.
The Lord God said, “It is not good for
the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Gen 2:18 (NIV)
©Tina Green, 10/2012
