Are You Sure?

Ladies, Are You Sure?

Oh my!  I can get into a lot of trouble broaching this subject, but I am going to try it anyway.  With all of the efforts in American society to prove that there are no significant differences between the sexes I would like to report two observations for your consideration. 

(1)On the day Rep. Gabby Giffords was shot a man was killed by the gunman as he sheltered his wife between his body and a wall.  She, too, was wounded, but survived.

(2)As the tornado approached Oklahoma City last month a man pushed his wife into their bathtub and covered her with his own body.  He was later found injured, but alive in their front yard.  His wife escaped unharmed.

In these moments of split-second decisions do you think anyone took time to consider the issue of gender equality?  Or was something else at work?  

Are men conditioned or designed to be protectors?  Either way, are you sure we should be messing with this?  Are you willing to allow your husband to protect you if that is the way he is inclined?  Suppose it feels inconvenient or stifling or controlling?  I will leave it to you to determine your course.  As for me, I intend to cooperate with it just in case that was God’s plan from the beginning.

  

Compared to Whom?

Compared to Whom?

A few years back I wrote a commentary about the biblical story of the prodigal son.   I was reminded of it today while listening to a woman complain about her husband.  I am newly aware of how easy it is for us to use ourselves as a standard by which we judge others.  In the prior article I wrote:

Anyone, by virtue of his genetics, temperament, personality, upbringing, or challenges, may develop attitudes, thought patterns, habits, or behaviors which we and society view as good. This is not the righteousness of God, and is of little value to him.  That is why, in the eyes of God, both the prodigal and his brother sinned.  Everything about us, “good” or “bad” must be submitted to God for cleansing before it can become His righteousness.  And His is the only kind He counts.  (By Comparison, September 12, 2006)

When dealing with someone who fails or falls short in some way we are often using ourselves as the standard by which we evaluate them.  They should measure up to what we would have done in a similar situation.  We are the self-appointed arbiter of what is “good” or desirable.  How did we attain such a high position?  We have elevated ours “ways” (our traits, habits, gifts) above others. 

There are three problems with this flaw in our thinking:

1. It severely damages our relationships.  We become judgmental, haughty, and lacking in compassion.
2. It keeps us from seeing our own faults, weaknesses and motives.  We feel the need to hide our limitations and failures from ourselves and others.  We also fail to recognize God’s hand in the shaping of others.
3. It interferes with our relationship with our Heavenly Father.  How offended he must be that you have replaced his Son as the example of perfection to which we all strive.  You have also blocked his access to perfecting you and drawing you closer to himself.

Under most circumstances we had little to do with the development of our ways, and our gifts and talents are God-given for his service and to his glory.  The next time you find yourself repeating those “I never”, or “I always” phrases you use to criticize another, remember this, too, is a flaw from which you need to be delivered.  Christ alone is the standard by which all flesh is to be judged.  

Do Not Grow Weary

Do Not Grow Weary in Doing Good

I am writing to encourage wives.  All of you who have determined in your hearts to follow God’s plan for marriage and the family have, by now experienced both the joy of small miracles and the annoyance of the enemy’s opposition.  He is not pleased that you have chosen God’s way and wants to scuttle your efforts.

Our Heavenly Father knows our hearts.  He also knows how vulnerable we are when we try to love unconditionally and obediently and sometimes see no fruit.  He encourages us in His Word:  “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Gal 6:9 NIV

 

And I encourage you.  You have already put the enemy to flight by the power of your testimony. God will place others on your path who will see your life and want to hear the truth you have learned about marriage. Be blessed and continue to be a blessing.  I carry each of you in my heart, asking the Lord to strengthen you. 

Call (or text or email or tweet or FB or . . .) someone this week and lend them your support.

 

 

Crazy Mom

“Crazy” Moms

I was my kids’ crazy Mom.  They actually called me that.  Not to my face, but to their friends.  My “craziness” was their excuse for not going along with the suggestions of their foolish friends (scripture calls them that.)

Yesterday, my 22-year-old granddaughter called her mother “the wonderful, beautiful, crazy lady” on Facebook.  It made me smile.  You have to be crazy to raise sane children.  You have to be crazy enough to do exactly what you say you will do.  This works well when they are tiny.  It works even better when they are taller than you. 

If you say the car leaves for school at 7:30 you must drive away at that time.  An “I Missed the bus” list of chores should be available at all times, including the follow-up weekend penalties. 

You must be willing to cancel anything if things don’t feel right at home.  Dance recitals, sports practice, trips, games, and concerts are not sacred.  The only “have too’s” are church, school, and the” values of this house.”  Everything else comes second.  The CM says “I’m paying for it, I can cancel it.”  She is never too busy to follow through.  She and Dad never make a rule they can’t enforce, but they enforce all of the rules they make.

Crazy Mom says “if you are not here on time I will come get you – in my bathrobe and curlers.”  “Curfew means I am looking at your face, not hearing your voice on the phone.”

Crazy Mom says “this is how much we are spending at the park or the store today.  Shop wisely.”   CM makes it clear who owns what. She explains that she and Dad own the house, heat, electricity, food, cars and all appliances which they are willing to share with people who contribute to their upkeep and do not abuse them or take them for granted.  CM’s time, energies, and talents are available to anyone who actually needs help, but she does not take over responsibility for outcomes.  If your project is late, you will need to learn to manage your time better.

Once Crazy Mom (me) locked herself and everyone else in the basement, sat down and read a magazine until a sibling issue was resolved.  Urgency was provided by the fact that one non-offending sibling had plans to go out that evening.  “This is everybody’s problem.  I certainly can’t send you out in the world if you cannot work things out in here,” CM said.  The other kids became so concerned about the "inocent" sibling they solved their problem rather quickly.

Kids take over by acting crazy.  Crazy Mom must be willing to be even crazier than they.  Her main concern is who they become, not what they become.  She has shown them in Scripture just where she got those “crazy” ideas.  She explains that at the end of the day she answers to the person who hired her - a Heavenly Father who loves them more than she does.

REMARKABLE

THE MOST REMARKABLE THING

Around this time of year be are drawn to think of the death of Christ.  Without that death there could be no triumphal resurrection morning upon which we base our beliefs and our hope.  That death was one of the most gruesome known to mankind.   In her research my friend found a full description of the Roman process of crucifixion in dreadful detail.  While others were subjected to such torture, the death of Christ was all the more poignant  when we consider that he was innocent of the charges against him. 

This week I have been impressed by something which seems important to recognize:  The most remarkable thing about Christ’s death is that he submitted to it.

Christ, being fully man, felt every blow and insult, and being fully God, could have stopped each one.  That means that unlike the other helpless beings subjected to crucifixion, Christ received each wound knowing he had the power to put an end to his torture and destroy his tormentors.  He was the Lamb, laying down his life, but he was also the Lion, relinquishing his power. 

This is a model of submission that we must never overlook.  When the Word speaks of submission it asks Christian men and women to lay down both their lives and their power in obedience to God for the sake of another.  REMARKABLE!

What's Your Sound?

There is a commercial on TV where a man sits next to his wife negotiating with an automobile salesman for the deal he wants.  When he triumphs (getting exactly what the dealership gives everyone else) his wife leans over and purrs softly, “Good job, Baby.”   You know from his face that this guy feels like a million bucks. 

It reminds me that my friend and teacher, Bishop Larry Jackson, of Raleigh, NC,  says that there is a sound that draws a man to his wife with such intensity that he wants to slay dragons for her.  He says wise women cultivate that sound.  I wasn't quite sure I understood.  And then, there it was! -- In a commercial.

When I discussed this with a group of women one of them commented, “But he hadn’t done anything!”

Exactly!

Checking our Habits

I don't make resolutions but the New Year offers an opportunity to addess anew some ot the patterns or habits in our lives.  Many believe it takes thirty days to break a habit.  Assuming that is true change first requires a recognition or realization of the need in order to begin the process. 

Day One is the day that we perform a moral inventory and decide that a habit is no longer acceptable in our God-centered life.  Self-justification is over.  We must discard our excuses and eliminate the belief  that some intervening factor is the cause of our failings.  We have decide that the process of change is worth the pain of losing a behavior that has served us well.  We have decided to accept the risk of failure.  These decisions require extraordinary courage and commitment.

Over the years as wives and mothers, we often allow behaviors and attitudes that are careless, ineffective, and self-serving to become part of our interaction with those we love.   We may talk too much, shout or scream, or argue over minor points.  Bickering, as my mother called it, is an unattractive communication pattern that is almost universal.  We also fall into sarcasm, criticism, cruel jokes, and indifference. (Wow! I just realized that I cannot exhaust the list of worthless communication habits in this space.) 

These patterns are not only unproductive and unbecoming but as habits they become how we deal with one another.  This may seem harmless until we need to communicate about serious matters.  Then, when we need to solve a problem or make a decision we are encumbered by the old pattern of engagement which diverts our energies and blocks our way to resolution.

So, Days Two to Thirty require not fixing ourselves but exercising a biblical principle that will not fails us – confession and repentance  – which invites the power of the Holy Spirit to lead us to self=control. In thirty days we should on our way to communicating as God intended.