Blessed and Highly Favored

On a recent TV show, lovely young women who aspired to be fashion models were warned, “When you are a top model you are always a top model, not just on the runway or in front of the camera.  There are phone cameras and Polaroid cameras everywhere.  Someone is always watching you.  No matter how you feel, sick or well, happy or sad, rich or broke, you’re a Top Model!!  You have to pay attention to your hair, your make-up and what you wear.  You have to look like a top model, act like a top model, sound like a top model, no matter what!”  This was an interesting notion.   For many generations royalty around the world trained their children that they were always royalty no matter where they were.  They should always look and act like royalty.  The crown must not be embarrassed.

 

In a Wives Club session a few weeks ago we were discussing situations where members were offended, ignored or treated badly by co-workers, employers, relatives and in-laws.  Searching for biblical responses to this kind of suffering, it occurred to me that the rules for models and royal offspring certainly apply to us.  We Christian wives were chosen by the Creator of the Universe, are children of the Most High, a royal priesthood, and heirs with the Prince of Heaven to the throne of God.  No matter where we are, who we are with, or how we feel, our appearance, speech, attitude, and actions reflect that we know we are Christian women, daughters of the King.  We willingly submit to the training required for that position.

 

This is what Peter meant when he reminded wives who we are.  He says, “But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in his steps.” 1Pet. 2:20(b)-21(NIV)

 

“Lord help us to know how to represent you in whatever we suffer. Amen”

 

 

SURROUNDED BY SERPENTS

Now the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. Gen.3:1(a) NIV

                     And I will put enmity
                Between you and the woman Gen 3:15(a)NIV
In our Wives Club sessions we use a drawing of a cross on a hill, with blood flowing from that cross, to signify the love of God poured out for us.  We describe this never-ending flow as the source of all that we need to live victoriously in obedience to the word of God.  However, the entire border of the drawing is surrounded by serpents. They are there to remind us of the opposition Satan will always put around us.  He wants to convince us that no help is coming, no one will rescue us; we remain slaves to our senses and our perceptions of hopelessness.

 

It is not a pretty picture, but it represents our reality.  Though we are surrounded by serpents, we can choose how we view them.  God has placed a natural hatred between the woman and the serpent but the serpent retains his cleverness.  All the cunning serpents that surround you have names you know.  You recognize some of them immediately, others are disguised.  The one named “You Will Never Accomplish Anything” squirms right past “No One Appreciates You”.  There is “I Can’t Stand This” and “That’s the Last Straw”, “That Hurt My Feelings” and “How Dare You”.  You come face to face with “Remember Your Past”, who likes to hang out with “Remember Your Wounds”.

 

Far more devious than those serpents are the ones who are in disguise.  They look and sound like our own thoughts and attitudes and we claim them as our own.  We keep them and coddle them; feed and pamper them.  We say “that’s my personality”, “that’s the way I am”, “it’s a family trait”, and “I just can’t help it.”  Or they hide so well we say, “I’m not like that. You’re the one who needs help.  I’m fine.”  Daily, they plot the weapons they will form against us

 

But, we are not at their mercy, defenseless against their treacherous assaults.  First, we were forewarned (Gen 3:15). They have not caught us by surprise. This is a strategic advantage! Then, we were trained.  Christ demonstrated for us how we were to do battle against the tempting wiles of the serpent (Mt 4:3-10).  Finally, we were rescued and our enemy vanquished (Jn 18:30). 

 

The echoes of this old battle continue to rage on around us.  But we have only to cry out to our deliverer, RESIST this defeated old foe and his battered troops, and they will flee. Hallelujah! Jesus is Lord.

 

Off the Plantation

FREE, INDEED!

A minister at a Prophetic Presbytery once said to me, “You know how to lead women off the plantation; teach what you know.”   I have come to believe that the “plantation” is thinking that your feelings, thoughts and actions are completely tied to those of other people (this is sometimes called codependency).  Someone in this condition is not free to act on facts or principles or beliefs, but only to react to the perceptions, feelings, actions,  or crises of others

 

Christian women have been set free.  We have the choice, by the emancipation of salvation, to go and come as we please, with the guidance of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God.  We have been set free of the requirement to follow the dictates of the whims of our circumstances.  Choosing to marry, Christian women are guided by the instructions of scripture.  We are, therefore, free to choose to follow and submit to our husbands without resentment or fear or defeat - to be provoked and not become provocative, to be angry and not sin, to be excellent and not competitive, to be joyful in our relationships with Christ and with others.  A wonderful woman modeled this for me. Her husband was a demanding, self-centered, unhappy man.  She, in contrast, was a joyful, peaceful, accomplished woman.  She ministered selflessly to her husband.  She was also active in her community and gave encouragement to everyone who knew her.   I never saw her allow herself to be led into sin or despair by her husband’s behavior.  I would love it if all women everywhere knew what she knew.  She was not a slave to the world, the flesh, or the devil.

 

Our path to freedom is our love for God, and our trust that, if we believe and obey and love biblically we can overcome all weapons formed against us.  Following Christ, we suffer daily and die to ourselves, to the captivity of our emotions, to the tyranny of having to have our way, to our need to fix everything, control everything, confront everything.  We enjoy the wondrous resurrection of obeying the Word and knowing that each death brings life – abundant life, joyous life, life everlasting.  We leave the plantation and emerge gloriously, irrevocably free.

PEACE IN THE HOME, Part III

Peace with Your Spouse

 

Often the reason we don’t have peace in our homes is that we have neglected the foundation.  The spiritual foundation of the home is our relationship with Christ.  The physical foundation of the home is the relationship between husband and wife.  This foundation must be reinforced, cherished and protected. The world is in complete confusion about the sanctity of the marital relationship.  God’s people must be clear. 

 

1.                       Make time to be alone.

The family was established on the relationship of man and woman – not parent and child.

The husband-wife relationship should not be threatened by the parent-child relationships.  Don’t feel guilty about leaving your children out of your time together. Children should be taught early that they will sometimes not be included in the time their parents spend together and the conversations they have.  No apologies.  Explain the closed door.  Parents need private time.  It is best to establish this early in your marriage and keep it inviolate.  Marriages, too, suffer when neglected.

2.                       Make time to be together.

Remember: there was a reason you married each other in the first place. 

Couples need replenishment from each other.  Some       couples establish a “date night” to help them remember to spend time together.  Try to be special for your husband with your dress, make-up, hair.  It feels hokey at first, you will get used to it.  Know your husband; do things he likes.  Enjoy your husband! And allow him to enjoy you.  Be a companion - playful, sexy, funny, light-hearted.  This is not time for heavy conversation or decision making.  When you were first married your husband could never get enough of you.  It is easier to keep a fire going than it is to restart one.  Fan the flames as often as possible.  Use the tricks of the trade – candles, food, lingerie, perfume, compliments, poems, flirting – try everything.  And don’t become discouraged; do it as unto the Lord.

3.                       Make sure you are rightly related to your husband.

Families suffer when they are out of order.

Peace is often disturbed when the chain of authority is out of order.  A wife, without realizing it, can usurp her husband’s authority, taking over tasks and decisions that rightly belong to him.  His role is diminished, she feels harried and over-worked.  Resist the urge to take leadership when you haven’t been asked.   Supply him with information he may need to make family decisions instead of making them yourself. 

4.                       Make sure you keep lines of authority and communication clear.

Whenever possible, talk to you husband about family matters in a private, calm atmosphere.  Pray for God’s guidance before broaching a difficult subject.  Put it off if the time is not right.  Try to be available when your husband wants to talk.  Don’t discuss things with your children that should be kept between the marital couple.  Don’t try to win the children to your side of an issue.  Don’t make a child your confidant.  Communicate to your children the order of authority in your home.   When they see you submit to your husband’s leadership it will make it easier for them to submit to other people in authority in their lives.                            

  5.  Make service your mission.

        Serve willingly, selflessly.

Affection and understanding, consideration and pampering – all help you and your husband feel closer.  If he doesn’t return the favors, consider them a gift of love to him.  Some men learn from their wife’s behavior.  Be careful of disappointment; don’t let it stop you. Don’t allow yourself to get stuck in the bottomless “What about Me?” rut.  Expect nothing, and anything that comes will seem special. Appreciate everything and have a heart of joy and gratitude.

DID YOU KNOW. . .:

It’s not about the Baby!

“But, she loves the baby.”  This is the comment parents usually make while struggling to understand the behavior of an older child when the new baby arrives.   Whether or not it is true, it is irrelevant.  Sibling rivalry has very little to do with the baby.  It has to do with sharing - sharing time, sharing attention, sharing the people each child knows are essential to his well-being.  It has to do with fear of loss.  And everyone feels it. 

 

Things Are Different

Mom and Dad know things will be different around the house, and they have time to prepare for it.  Dr. Jerry King, in his book, Marriage: A Kingdom Perspective discusses parental responses to the arrival of a new baby.

 

The father is often surprised by the degree of jealousy and anger he feels.  It slips up on him and catches him off guard.  Among the factors is a deep sense of guilt and shame these emotions bring when contrasted with the intense love and pride that he also feels. 

(p. 52)

Dealing with such conflicting feelings presents adults with a tough challenge. How much more overwhelmingthey must be to preschool siblings. These feelings don’t go away quickly.  A happy, competent 3-year-old began soiling her pants when her brother was 15-months-old. Other hints led her parents to suspect she was competing with the baby.  Why did she wait so long to show it?  It took that long for him to threaten her world.  After a few days of intensive reassuring, she was willing to try being a big girl again.

 

If you have a baby or are expecting a new arrival, address sibling rivalry in your prayer time.  Ask God to show you what your older children might be feeling.  Remain faithful to family nights, family devotions, and other routines.  Remember the newcomer is only one member of the family.   Both Mom and Dad can establish a special time with each child and mark it on the calendar.  Twenty to thirty minutes of predictable time is better than three hours, now and then.   And, relax.  She probably really does love the baby.

 

PEACE IN THE HOME, Part II

Peace with Yourself

 

        We spend our lives in a tug-of-war with ourselves.  Since humans are self-centered by nature and our thirst for righteousness compels us try to be selfless, we often neglect our true needs.  Here are some steps that will help you be more peaceful in your home by making peace with yourself.

1.     Make time for your time with God.

Don’t make this a chore. Rest in Him. Receive a refreshing as from a dear friend.  Remember he has been waiting for you.  We are all too conscientious; we work too hard, complicating our relationship with God.  Relax, he loves you. Read. Sing. Dance.  Praise.  Or just be quiet with Him. Remember: He never intended for us to do this job without him.

2.   Make a schedule that includes you. 

Plan time in your schedule to be alone. This may include your time for special grooming or putting private things in order.  Sorting or filing things you use or need can prevent stress later.  Take time for an activity only you enjoy, or join a friend.  You may just need time to rest.  If you don’t plan it you will steal it from other projects or just be under-productive. Failing to plan time for yourself will eventually cause you to build resentment.  

3.    Watch how you talk to yourself.

Do some vocabulary work.  Our own internal language is often more destructive to us than the words of others.  We set ourselves up for failure because our words to ourselves are not words of grace and encouragement.  Eliminate words like should, must, have to, ought to, and especially, should have. It is human to have regrets, but you can’t live backwards. 

Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. Phil 3:13-14NIV

4.   Allow yourself to be only human.

You are to do all you can, the best you can, but no   more.  Let go, let God.  You are responsible for the work but He is in charge of the outcome.  Have you done your best?  Then you must rest in that truth.  No one can require more of you – not even you.  It is especially important to acknowledge this when others are not satisfied.  Keep hold of this quiet truth; don’t expect others to understand.  It will keep you at peace even in the midst of turmoil. 

You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you.

Isaiah 26:3 NIV

 

. . . and Love Your Neighbor III

SERVE THEM?

When your neighbor offends you, you are required to forgive.  Serving him is one way to facilitate such forgiveness.  Find a special way to meet a need for your neighbor.  Minister to him in a way that brings healing.  Usually, it helps to do something physical and tangible.  Don’t look for the easy way out. This kind of service should cost you something. Use your time, your energy, and your resources to perform this task.  Bake him a cake, shop for a special gift, or make one, prepare a surprise.  If the pipes have been cleaned of unforgiveness, you will begin to feel a twinge of happiness and gratitude as you prepare to care for another.

 

I awakened in the morning still angry with Dan, one of the many young people God has placed in our care from time to time.  He had betrayed me again, and I was at the end of my patience.  As I walked around the house fuming inside I turned to an activity that usually gives me comfort: baking.  As I pulled out the ingredients for cookies I touched the walnuts. “Dan doesn’t like walnuts in his cookies”, I thought.  I put them back and began to assemble only those ingredients that he likes.  Gradually, as I baked the cookies, I felt my mood change.  Soon my heart had softened and I no longer wished to do him bodily harm.  I was actually happy that I had done something that would bring him joy and looked forward to surprising him when he came home.  I also began to form the words of the confrontation we would have.  I felt God selecting words of grace, words of affirmation, and words of instruction.  Honest, loving, communication intended for correction and healing replaced the bitter, self-centered diatribe I had been planning.  Dan was completely unprepared for the cookies and my attitude.  This was not what his experience had taught him to expect from someone who was upset with him.  God had a plan to reach him through love and forgiveness.