TRUST AND OBEY, II

Under Authority – How it Really Works

For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. 1 Peter 3:5, 6 (NIV)

 

Many “modern” women have asked their minister to remove the word “obey” from their wedding vows.  Many clergymen have removed it without being asked.  In the modern world, the obedience of a married woman is no longer expected.  But for Christian women the requirement of scripture to obey one’s husband can cause serious personal struggles for which we are rarely prepared.

 

This subject came up in a recent discussion with a group of women.  What should a Christian woman do when her husband tells her to do something that she thinks is not in the family’s best interest.  The topics were wide ranging: quit a job, get a job (small children at home), sign papers for a loan, move to another community (or state, or country).  The issues did not involve committing a sin. 

 

As women under authority, we are required to obey.  God never gives us the whole picture of anything.  That is why he requires obedience.  When we obey our husbands it keeps us under God's protective covering.  Since the wife may be right in this matter, and the husband may be wrong, we must proceed cautiously.  As your husband’s helper you should be seeking God’s will on his behalf and not just your own.  In order to approach this situation prepared for God’s answer wives should follow these steps:

 

1)  Check yourself.  Ask God to show you if there is any rebellion in you. Sometimes your tears and anger are signs of your own willfulness.   Confess your sin, with thanksgiving (be thankful for a husband who takes on the responsibility of leadership.)  Cry out to God and ask Him to remove your need to have your own way.

 

2)  Cry out to God.  Present your requests to God with.  Submit your will to God.  Ask Him to direct your husband in this matter.  Ask God to speak to you through your husband, or show him if he is wrong. Women who want a husband who leads must be prepared to follow.

 

3)  Speak to your husband again.  Pick a neutral time. Speak calmly to your husband, promising not to raise the issue again. Present your concerns and alternatives clearly.  This is not a time to convince him that he is wrong.  You are acting as an advisor, a helper.  Let him know you will comply with his decision.  Ask him to pray again before he answers.

 

4)  Cry out to God again.  If the decision is not what you hoped, ask God to guide you as you comply.  Ask Him to be in charge of the process.  Pray that God will protect your family and give you peace.  Pray and give thanks; rejoice, sing praises to God.  Expect to experience some feelings of sadness and loss. You may talk to a trusted friend who understands your desire to please God (not the one who always takes your side.)  Do not take your grieving out on your husband.  Remember what Jesus said in the garden: “Nevertheless, not my will, but Thine.”

 

5)  Watch God work.  Keeping a journal of what God has done helps many women remember to trust God in the difficult times.  He loves you.   

 

Trust and obey.  There is not better way

 to be happy in Jesus than to trust and obey.

Hymm, John Sammis, 1887