TRUST AND OBEY, II

Under Authority – How it Really Works

For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. 1 Peter 3:5, 6 (NIV)

 

Many “modern” women have asked their minister to remove the word “obey” from their wedding vows.  Many clergymen have removed it without being asked.  In the modern world, the obedience of a married woman is no longer expected.  But for Christian women the requirement of scripture to obey one’s husband can cause serious personal struggles for which we are rarely prepared.

 

This subject came up in a recent discussion with a group of women.  What should a Christian woman do when her husband tells her to do something that she thinks is not in the family’s best interest.  The topics were wide ranging: quit a job, get a job (small children at home), sign papers for a loan, move to another community (or state, or country).  The issues did not involve committing a sin. 

 

As women under authority, we are required to obey.  God never gives us the whole picture of anything.  That is why he requires obedience.  When we obey our husbands it keeps us under God's protective covering.  Since the wife may be right in this matter, and the husband may be wrong, we must proceed cautiously.  As your husband’s helper you should be seeking God’s will on his behalf and not just your own.  In order to approach this situation prepared for God’s answer wives should follow these steps:

 

1)  Check yourself.  Ask God to show you if there is any rebellion in you. Sometimes your tears and anger are signs of your own willfulness.   Confess your sin, with thanksgiving (be thankful for a husband who takes on the responsibility of leadership.)  Cry out to God and ask Him to remove your need to have your own way.

 

2)  Cry out to God.  Present your requests to God with.  Submit your will to God.  Ask Him to direct your husband in this matter.  Ask God to speak to you through your husband, or show him if he is wrong. Women who want a husband who leads must be prepared to follow.

 

3)  Speak to your husband again.  Pick a neutral time. Speak calmly to your husband, promising not to raise the issue again. Present your concerns and alternatives clearly.  This is not a time to convince him that he is wrong.  You are acting as an advisor, a helper.  Let him know you will comply with his decision.  Ask him to pray again before he answers.

 

4)  Cry out to God again.  If the decision is not what you hoped, ask God to guide you as you comply.  Ask Him to be in charge of the process.  Pray that God will protect your family and give you peace.  Pray and give thanks; rejoice, sing praises to God.  Expect to experience some feelings of sadness and loss. You may talk to a trusted friend who understands your desire to please God (not the one who always takes your side.)  Do not take your grieving out on your husband.  Remember what Jesus said in the garden: “Nevertheless, not my will, but Thine.”

 

5)  Watch God work.  Keeping a journal of what God has done helps many women remember to trust God in the difficult times.  He loves you.   

 

Trust and obey.  There is not better way

 to be happy in Jesus than to trust and obey.

Hymm, John Sammis, 1887

 

Wives Club Homework

Once again, readers, we have a list that is far from complete.  Feel free to make your additions and corrections to this list in your "comments" below.  Try these out.

 

 

 

The Not-So-Common Sense Rules for Marriage

 

When you give something, Release it.

When you are given something, Accept it.

When you open something, Close it.

When you dirty something, Clean it.

When you make a mistake, Admit it

When you drop something, Pick it up.

When you hurt someone, Apologize

When someone hurts you, Forgive them

When you break something, Admit itl

When you have something special, Share it.

Remember the Magic Words:

 Please, Thank you, and I’m Sorry

Remember the Golden Rule:

  Do For Your Spouse What You Wish He Would Do For You.

Do all of this as unto our Lord, Jesus Christ

Start Now!

 

TRUST AND OBEY

Under Authority

 

“If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love.” (John 15:10 (NIV)

 

I admit it!  I hate being told what to do.  I don’t like to obey rules that I think are wrong, or inconvenient.  I often think my ideas are better than those of the leaders over me.  Some of you may feel the same way.  Yet, as Christian women we are under authority.  That means that we are submitted to God and to those God has placed over us.  That includes civil authorities we think are incompetent, foolish, or even wicked, church leaders, and supervisors and bosses.  We wives are subject to our husbands even when we think they are not making the best decisions. 

 

Many have been distressed to hear of local rulings governing religious practices that seem intended to hinder our expressions of Christianity.  This is upsetting but we cannot consider our concerns for too long.  Nothing pleases the enemy of our souls more than to get us thinking about your comfort, our security, our peace of mind, and our rights. It takes our eyes off the ball.  Nowhere in scripture are we instructed to concern ourselves about our circumstances in this world, obsessed with protecting ourselves from harm, or fearing the persecutions to come.  We differ from the world because we believe in the supernatural powers of God.  That means that we obey God and let God take care of us.  It is the very fact that this doesn’t make sense that keeps us trusting, obeying and believing. 

 

The thing is that our primary task on earth as Christians is to become more like Christ.  God is completely in charge of the curriculum that shapes us.  Whatever it takes to make us more like Christ, the Father will allow, even require.  Christ assured us that he does nothing that is not commanded by the Father.  This is what it means to be under authority.  In military service, where authority is fully understood, one stands where he is told, walks where he is told, and does what he is told, despite the hardship or danger involved.  This makes no sense, and yet this is the source of the power of the military. 

 

We cannot allow the world’s wickedness or our feelings to determine our actions. Our obedience is required.

 

 

“During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him.” Hebrews 5:7-9 (NIV)

WHAT DOES IT REALLY SAY

True Love: A Real Valentine

 

A couples group was asked to read several versions of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8.  The versions used were NIV, KJ, NKJ, AMPL, TLB, New English, and The Message.  The group was asked to list what a true lover will do and what a true lover will not do.  When the project was completed couples were asked to insert their loved one’s name and read it to their partner.  This is their finished product.

 

Because I love you, ________ will never give up on you.  I will not envy you or become jealous of you.  I will not boast about what I have done for you.  I will not be proud or haughty.  I will not try to draw attention to myself at your expense.  I will not be conceited, arrogant, prideful, or rude. It will not always be “Me, first”.  I will not insist on my rights or on having my own way.  I will not be self-seeking.  I will not be touchy, resentful, or fretful.  I will not recount evil you have committed against me. I will not hold grudges or keep track of the wrongs I have suffered.  I will not become easily angered or frustrated. I will not want more from you than you can give.  I will not force my wishes upon you.

 

Because I love you, _______ I will be patient with you and kind to you.  I will rejoice in the truth about you.  I will protect you and trust you.  I will always be hopeful about you and my hope will endure under all circumstances.  I will persevere.  I will endure and bear up under anything and everything that comes our way without weakening.  I will ever be ready to believe the best about you.  You can trust me.  I will always want what is best for you.  My love will never fade or become obsolete.  My love for you will never end.

 

How about sending (or reading) this to your loved one onValentines Day?

WORLD RULES

 Ignore the Gift Police

Whether or not he gets it right, just say, “thank you”.

 

Long considered a fun holiday for expressing affection, Valentine’s Day has fallen into the clutches of the dreaded “gift police”.  They are telling men and women that only certain types of expressions of love are acceptable on this holiday.  Others are definitely unacceptable.  Men seem to be the targets of these self-appointed arbiters of appropriateness.  Granted, many men are clueless when it comes to gift giving.  Most of them did not grow up shopping.  And, some men are actually careless and insensitive.

 

My concern is that Christian women not follow the women of the world by condemning their men for the gifts they give.  If your husband brings a gift, he should not be afraid that you will be unhappy because he chose something the “gift police” have labeled “unromantic”.  Sometimes a man’s only clue as to what to buy comes from the wishes you express in your daily life.  If you have mentioned on several occasions that you need a new vacuum cleaner, he may think that is the best gift for the occasion.  It will last a lot longer than roses, and be more appreciated in the long run.  “Romantic” gifts sometimes threaten an already ailing budget, increasing stress for both of you in the weeks to come. 

 

Often the best gifts cost very little.  Would a gift measured in carats ever replace having your husband take the children out for an afternoon so that you can rest or visit a friend?  Would it replace having him hold you when you are discouraged?  Would it work for you if you received the sparkles and then were neglected for the next eleven months? Let us be sure that a spirit of ingratitude doesn’t threaten the peace we strive for in our hearts and homes.  If you get no gift at all, be thankful to God and to your husband that the lights came on when you flicked the switch and the house was warm when you woke up.

 

Don’t misunderstand me.  If I were writing to men, I would tell them to try to give the most beautiful, sensitive, romantic love offering they can find (and afford).  But, I am writing to Christian women.   Oppose the pressures of the world’s standards as you strive to live a life pleasing to God.  Whether or not he gets it right, just say “thank you”.

GOD'S PROVISION I

Our Example

Teasing and ridicule are rampant in our society.  Finding that one thing about a person over which he has no control and bashing him with it has become our national pastime.  Previously the province of schoolyard torturers, it has been raised to high art, victimizing those from high to low, who dare to show their failings.  Laughing at the misfortunes of others has become a favorite form of entertainment, perfected by Seinfeld-like sitcoms and reality TV.  One would only hope that we (writer and readers of this journal) are not perpetrators of this destructive practice.  But we are certainly witnesses, and possibly victims of this viciousness cloaked in humor.

 

Yesterday I talked to my grandson about his last bout with aggressive teasing at school.  “Did you pray,” I asked him.  When he said he had not prayed he seemed surprised at his own answer.  I apologized to him for my oversight.  Although his mom and I prayed for him and with him, I had never taught him to pray for himself, cry out to God at the time of the abuse.  And yet, I recall as a child silently seeking God when I found myself in trouble with bullies.  I discovered this defensive action on my own.  I also credit it for the relatively few emotional scars I seem to carry from these events. I shared these thoughts with my grandson:

 

1.  These are the things that are common to man.  Though it is personal and painful, your situation is not unique.  This is how a sinful society conducts itself.

2.  Satan uses it.  He convinces you that you are a victim.  From there he proceeds to raise up in you feelings of fear, helplessness, resentment, and revenge.  These are the feelings that build, layer on layer, the scars you carry with you into the future.

3.  God allows it.  God has a plan to strengthen you to withstand the foolishness of others.  He wants you to be forgiving and compassionate, even toward your tormentors.  But, he knows you can’t.  Not on your own, anyway.  (This is where the plan comes together!)

4.  So, Pray!  Cry out in your weakness to the one true Helper.  As you pray and God responds to your prayer you acknowledge that nothing is impossible for Him.  It is at these times that he loves you most.  You are learning to depend on Him and not on your own strength or understanding.  He will give you wisdom, protection, and instruction for the situation at hand.  You may receive guidance from Him that would never have occurred to you.

5.  Christ is our example.  See 1Peter 2:21-25 “This is the kind of life you've been invited into, the kind of life Christ lived. He suffered everything that came his way so you would know that it could be done, and also know how to do it, step-by-step.
   He never did one thing wrong,
   Not once said anything amiss.
They called him every name in the book and he said nothing back. He suffered in silence, content to let God set things right. He used his servant body to carry our sins to the Cross so we could be rid of sin, free to live the right way. His wounds became your healing. You were lost sheep with no idea who you were or where you were going. Now you're named and kept for good by the Shepherd of your souls.” (the Message)

 

Being teased, hurt, and ridiculed doesn’t end at high school graduation.  Can you apply this to anything in your life today?  If not, remember it when you are called on to counsel a fellow sufferer.

FORGIVENESS

Who, Me?  Love Them?!

 

Since many of us take a personal inventory at this time of year let us consider some very special people in our lives. We all have them -- people who test the limits of our patience or cause us emotional wounds.  Some of them are those who are the very closest to us.  We have to deal with them every day and yet it never seems to get any easier.  Jesus commands that we love them and we really try but our scars from these struggles are hard to ignore.  These are the people we are called to love and forgive.

 

When faced with seemingly impossible tasks it sometimes helps to see how the Lord provided for such circumstances.  No matter how it looks, He did not leave us defenseless. Careful study of the scriptures reveals God’s plan for loving difficult people. For clarity  we will now call this person your “neighbor”.  The plan looks something like this:

1.    Confess.  Ask God to forgive you for all the unloving thoughts and attitudes you have toward your neighbor. Ask forgiveness for gossiping about him and determine in you heart not to describe your hurts to others.  Confess as sin all thoughts and acts of revenge.  Do not excuse any of your sins on the basis of your neighbor’s behavior.

2.    Forgive.  Think of this as putting out the trash.  All the hurtful events of the past have been collected and stored in your memory.  There they have gained strength like bacteria enclosed in a petrii dish.  We empower them further when we rehearse the grievance in our minds and retell the tale. Resist the urge to store this putrid material in your living space.  To maintain a healthy environment the garbage must be put out every day.  Search out and destroy all thoughts of revenge.

3.    Pray.  Seek the Lord about your neighbor.  Ask Him to give you a glimpse of how He sees this person.  Ask for a portion of the love He has for him. Often He will reveal to you a need you did not know your neighbor had. This will give you an opportunity to serve your loved one in a meaningful way. 

4.    Forgive again. Even though we know better, we often put a limit on the number of times we intend to forgive someone.  Those we love should be able to count on our forgiveness.  That is best accomplished by deciding ahead of time that you will forgive any new wrong committed against you.  That runs counter to the “last straw” philosophy that we learn from our culture.  This perpetual forgiveness amounts to keeping the pipes clean through which the love is to flow.

5.     Serve.  Find a special way to meet a need for your neighbor.  Minister to him in a way that brings healing.  Usually, it helps to do something physical and tangible.  Don’t look for the easy way   out. This kind of service should cost you something. Use your time, your energy, and your resources to perform this task.  Bake him a cake, shop for a special gift, or make one, prepare a surprise.  If the pipes have been cleaned of unforgiveness, you will begin to feel a twinge of happiness and gratitude as you prepare to care for another.

6.    Pray more and more.  Pray diligently everyday for your neighbor’s well being.  Pray for the success of his ventures, for his health and safety, for his financial or personal needs to be met, for his goals to be accomplished.  It is difficult to continue to feel angry toward someone you pray for every day. 

7.    Release.  Release your neighbor to God.  Do not spend hours thinking about how he needs to change and what the change would mean in your life.  Leave to God the job of changing him and the job of protecting you.

 

The most important change that takes place in this process takes place in you.  The Lord can begin to heal your wounds and repair youattitudes.  Youbecome a clear channel through which the love of God can flow.  Your relationship may improve.  It may not.  But you will have been faithful to the biblical requirement: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Rom.12:18 NIV)