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In the Passenger Seat

            Picture a married couple driving in a car toward their destination.  The husband is driving.  The wife who is in the passenger seat is holding the map.  They are moving and cruising down the road. The couple has agreed to drive toward this specific objective. They are following the map and making good time.

            All of a sudden (at least to the wife) the husband makes a turn (a detour). The wife is a bit concerned but trusts her husband.  First, she reads a sign that says “yield”; but, the husband continues steadily down the road.  She mentions to him that they should have kept straight and not made a turn. The wife then begins to see signs on the road reading, "Wrong Way", "Do Not Enter", "Dead End", and "No Way Out.”  The wife’s first instinct is to grab the wheel and turn the car around.

          She voices her concern but he speeds up and continues on as if the signs (distractions) do not matter.  Later, she reads other signs, “DANGER AHEAD” and “STOP ! WALL AT THE END OF THE ROAD.” 

The wife has a choice submit or not to submit.   She can unbuckle her seatbelt.  What is the function of a seatbelt?  To protect, guard, and keep you still.  What is the purpose of prayer and God’s Word?  To protect, guard, and keep you still.  When your prayer does not align itself with God’s Word and plan, it is as if you release yourself from  protection.  Some women may say, “I can’t take this any more.  He is own his own.  I’m out of here.”  They decide to jump out of the car.  This course of actions results in hurts and pain. The hurt can be physical, emotional, and spiritual.  When she is out of the car, the husband continues towards the things of God.  On the other hand, she is stuck in the middle of the road with no where to go.

The best thing about God’s love is that He can move upon the heart of His people.  Can you see the wife broken down on the side of the road?   Now picture the husband coming back. Why?  Because of the love God has for His bride and the love the husband has for his wife, the husband puts the car in reverse and comes back for his wife. 

The issue is trust vs. fear.  Which will you choose?

Instead of choosing fear, the wife can choose trust.  What does this look like?  The wife can tighten up her seatbelt (pray without ceasing). The wife stays in the car and puts her trust in God.  Now two things can happen.

First as they move forward, they could hit the wall.  The man is not perfect and mistakes happen.  Things will go wrong.  However, because they were in agreement God will restore.  When you are in accident, the air bag is automatically released.  So it is the same with God.  He releases something supernatural.  God reveals His power and presence.  He releases something new and fresh; something that they both did not expect.  Why?  They decided to stand together under a banner of agreement and unity.  The car may be torn up, broken down, and ruined, but the couple can walk away holding hands in unity, alive, healthy and without a scratch. 

Or secondly, as the wife tightens her seatbelt (prays fervently) and trusts the Lord. She begins saying, “Lord, move that wall.  I have the faith of a mustard seed.  Mountain be removed.”  As they continue speeding toward the wall, the husband is not holding back but looking straight ahead.  Before their eyes, the wall crumbles and falls.  As they reach the wall, they move through as if the wall was never in the way.  The couple keeps moving forward.  The problem, that situation, is over.  Gone.  God did a miracle in their lives.  The result is that faith begins to be released in the life of the husband and wife.  A testimony of God’s goodness and faithfulness is shown.  The couple is bond together in unity like never before.  For the women, a greater trust is developed toward the husband and God  Fear and control that will not allow submission to occur. 

It is not easy to sit in a speeding car headed toward a brick wall.  You want to jump out, scream, kick, and close you eyes until it is over.  But God is asking you to hold on, trust, and believe.  Open your eyes to see what your husband sees beyond the wall into eternity.

Erica Bates

July 5, 2008

 

TRUST AND OBEY III

Under the Umbrella
A husband is the head of his wife, as Christ is the head and the Savior of the church . . .
Eph. 5:22-24 (CEV)

 

A few years ago, after hinting for several months, my husband finally informed me that it was time for us to “down-size” and sell our lovely home.  We had talked about this time over the years but it had always seemed a long way off.  My house!  The one I had watched emerge ten years earlier from a muddy hole, the one I had known intimately while it was still a stack of bricks and boards and floor plans, the one with my colors and my style and my quirky touches!  My husband had planted beautiful trees and shrubs and annuals that greeted us with exuberance each spring and changed colors month after month.  Our grandchildren played hide-and-seek in the cool tall grasses in our yard.

 

For our first thirty years we had lived where the military and succeeding jobs placed us.  This house held our dreams.  We had prayed the day it was finished that God would use it as he pleased to bless all who might seek refuge there.  For ten years the refrigerator and the rooms were constantly full.  Often several meetings would be held there at once.  Every child who visited would run upstairs to the place they called “my room” where games and toys and books and videos filled the shelves, and large prints of carousel horses covered the walls. 

 

Sell the house?  To me it was like losing my identity, my place, my purpose.  My heart was filled with sadness and apprehension.  Since I knew I could not, in my heart, agree with this plan I decided to simply obey.  Each day I did the tasks that were required that day.   I teach wives that obedience is God’s provision for us.  He covers our husbands like an umbrella, covering the head.  When we obey we are under the cover of His protection.  If we disobey we are out from under that covering.  

 

The new condo is comfortable and beautiful.  It is a convenient place to live and fits the demands of our current life overseeing the care of our aging parents.  In recent months the media has carried the disquieting news of defaults, foreclosures and falling housing prices.  I realize how fortunate we were to have sold our house and purchased our new home while the market was still strong and viable.  I also realize that if I had been able to prevail upon my husband and convince him to delay this transition for a few more years we would be right in the middle of this unsettling situation.   My husband, under God’s protective covering, moved ahead when neither of us wanted to, prompted, no doubt, by the hand of God.  I thank him regularly for taking on the awesome job of head of our family and leading us even when to task is not an easy one.

 

 

“God is engineering a master plan for good. Only He sees the end from the beginning.”

Elizabeth Elliot

CHRISTIAN WITNESS

 

Showing Hospitality

And she must have a reputation for good deeds, as one who has brought up children, who has practiced hospitality to strangers . . .         1 Timothy 5:9 (Amplified Bible)

Dear friend, when you extend hospitality to Christian brothers and sisters, even when they are strangers, you make the faith visible.            3 John 1:5 (The Message)

 

I was quite young  when I met my husband (a freshman in college).  The first time I was invited to dinner in his home I found myself trapped in the small living room while he and some friends who dropped by shared “war stories”.  After enduring this for a while I ventured into the kitchen where his mother was working on dinner preparations.  I nervously asked if there was anything I could do to help.  Instead of dismissing me she turned from the refrigerator and handed m a small jar of green olives.  She directed me to a cupboard where I would find a small crystal bowl to put them in.  I washed my hands and scooped the olives into the dish.  Then I sliced some gherkins intended for the salad.  We chatted pleasantly as we worked.  We did not know that we would share many other chores over the next five decades but we were off to a very good start.  I often wonder what I would have done if she had sent me back to the living room that day.  I think of her act of understanding and kindness whenever I hear the word: hospitality.

 

We are instructed in scripture to practice hospitality as part of our Christian witness, but the term it is rarely defined.  I believe it is those small thoughtful acts of kindness designed to help another person feel “at home” in your home.  It is due to strangers as well as to the brethren.  In this modern cautious age it is often as difficult to receive hospitality as it is to offer it.  We must be mindful of opportunities to do both. 

 

 

PERSONAL WALK: Goodbye

April 1, 2008

 “. . .  We exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you, as a father doth his children, that ye would walk worthy of God, who hath called you unto his kingdom and glory.” I Thessalonians 2:11-12

Today I said Goodbye to my oldest friend.  I cannot remember a time when he was not my friend. He had warmed my bottle each evening.  I lived in complete satisfaction that he cared about everything that concerned me from my earliest memories.  “Oh, her?” my mom told her friends, “My job is to keep her alive ‘til her father gets home.  Then she is done with me.”  The family walked two by two: my sister with Mom, me with Daddy.  “Daddy!!” was the name we cried out in the night if we were sick or scared or just wanted to be sure he was there. Because of his vigilance Mom could sleep peacefully through many trying times.

At six each evening I began listening for the sound the old taxi made as it pulled up outside.  My job was to sweep out the back, copy the numbers from the meter and count the coins in his leather purse; the ‘tips’ that meant so much to the family income. Helping him take the cab to the shop on Sunday was often rewarded with a strawberry ice cream sundae at the drug store across the street.  His standards were high.  Making him proud seemed at times to be my life’s ambition. You just didn’t want to disappoint him. A laminated copy of my bachelor’s degree was posted in the taxi.

As the “baby” of the family I was often alone when my sister went off to do big girl things.  Mom and Dad tried to make sure that I didn’t miss anything.  When my sister caught chicken pox from me, Dad stayed home with her and Mom took me to the Forth of July picnic and back in the evening for fireworks.  What a sad way to spend our favorite holiday. Daddy took me to see Cinderella (and bought me the wand filled with candy beads) and Ice skating at the center city (outdoor) rink and to the Easter Parade when no one else wanted to go.  He and I went to see the Warriors (76ers now) or the Temple Owls several times a week when I was in high school.  At times, though, he seemed to bear the weight of the world, with a distant stare in his eyes.

Daddy came home one day when I was twelve and found me lying on the sofa.  As he began to tickle and tease me roughly Mom called to him and whispered in his ear.  I will never forget his expression of sadness and loss.  His “little Tina” wasn’t a little girl anymore.  I wished I could have spared him the pain I saw in his eyes.  He was so careful with us.  His buddies began to disappear as we got older.  A man with two daughters couldn’t have a lot of male friends around.  He knew the world was an ugly place but it wasn’t supposed to touch us.  You could only pity the poor guys who dated us.  (The ones we married were tried by fire.)  No bums allowed!  No sense fudging about what time we got home.  His flashlight beam illuminated the clock on his dresser by the time we reached the top step.  “Goodnight, Daddy”, we would murmur as we slipped into our room.

Our parents welcomed all the children we brought into their lives, by birth or otherwise.  Each of the seven grandchildren had a chance to know they were special to them.  (Daddy carried my first child around on his shoulders like a super-bowl trophy.)  But, many others were blessed by the openness of their hearts and home. Dad always enjoyed a good argument and you were expected to hold your own and make your case.  He also enjoyed having a new audience for his “stories.”  Cover the little ones’ ears!

I had a chance to give back to Daddy a little in the years after Mom died.  He hated it.  He saved his crackers from lunch so that he would have something to give me when I came by.  He understood giving much better than receiving. He called my husband if he really needed something, because I couldn’t be trusted to get it right.  Being old was not his cup of tea. He always wore his coat and tie and hat to his doctor’s appointments so that people would know who he really was.  He tried to hold the doorfor me before I could hold it for him. Till the end there were still sparks in our relationship.  He told everyone I was a "nuisance."  I told everyone he was "impossible."  But he introduced me over and over to the same people saying, "This is my daughter."  He had so many ways to say "I love you" without using those unnecessary words.

Dad lived such a disciplined life I half expected him to outlive me.  At the end of it I am grateful to have had such a long time with this loving demanding charming difficult dear old friend.

“Goodnight Daddy.”

PERSONAL WALK

Handled with Care

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone.

I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18 NIV

 

In the store the other day I watched a woman carefully and diligently securing her two young children in the shopping cart.  Out of the blue I believe I saw husbands as God sees them -- needing a woman’s diligent love and care in order to safely grow into the place God has for them. 

 

There was nothing in this revelation that suggested that men were children; just that they need special care and handling in order to reach the potential God has placed in each of them.  This may not sit well with your view of your role as a wife, but I suddenly felt the urge to re-invest in my commitment to my husband to keep watch over him and care for him as though he had been placed in my life for that purpose.

PERSONAL WALK

He Watches

Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.” Psalm 127:1(NIV)

 

I cringe when I learn of the wounds inflicted on woman by various religious cults and doctrines.  Many of us have been born into these false structures and innocently bear the pain of the consequences of flawed teachings.  We have watched our loved ones being devoured by the lies of ravening wolves.   And, the vain philosophies of the world have served us no better. 

 

Even after we learn the truth, it is not easy to accept it and to fully submit our lives to Christ.  The horrors of the past and fear of future exploitation cause us to view with skepticism the very truth of the scriptures which can free us. 

 

And yet we cannot protect ourselves.  While we are looking to the right satan attacks from the left.  Our self-fashioned defenses and weapons (we all have them) are used against us to our destruction, for the Word says: “Unless the LORD builds thehouse, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.” Psalm 127:1(NIV)

 

When we committed to be married we committed to doing it God’s way.  Though we are often consumed with fear, though we see the carnage of destroyed and destructive marriages all around us, we must choose God’s way.  We must submit to his providence and protection as we trust in his Word.  No other way will do.

PERSONAL WALK

FALLING IN LOVE

 

God is dealing with me about something and I am in his hands.  He is instructing me about something I thought I already knew.  He is taking me back to some of the basics.  This may sound very elementary to you but I guess I needed a refresher. 

 

You see, something happened this summer that made me look back at the beginning.  What happened is I saw someone fall in love. Just fall.  Passionately, deeply, unequivocally in love - with God!  It was an awesome experience to witness.  I couldn’t get over it and it began to change me. 

 

Now this was not a new convert in the blush of the realization of the grace and mercy of the Almighty.  This was someone who has been walking with God and serving Himfor many years.  That is what made it so remarkable.  Her long-term struggles had made her a little war weary, but she was fighting on.  She cried out for help.  She solicited the prayers of some of the saints and we responded.  She received our help, confessed her weaknesses, and for me that is where the story would have ended.  Except that I saw her a few weeks later and she was not the same.  We talked and it suddenly hit me. “Oh, my goodness!  You’re in Love.”  “I know”, she whispered, “and I just want to do anything He wants me to do – just because I love HIM so much.  I am giving up my right to do things my way.” 

 

You may be wondering what this has to do with me.  Witnessing this miraculous change in a person whose circumstances had not changed, suddenly made some things totally clear.  I know the promise of the commandment to Love God with all your Heart and all your soul and your entire mind.  I know why He commanded it.  That love is the key to many things.  I won’t even pretend that I know them all.  But I know some new ones.  

 

It is not for His sake that we are instructed to return to our first love.  It is not to punish us that God says he will spit us out for being lukewarm.  It was not a desire for noise that caused Him to repeat to the children of Israel who He was, to instruct them to write it on their doorframes and hang it about their necks, but so that their love wouldn’t grow cold.  It is for our sakes, because the blessing lies in that heated, passionate environment where we will do anything to please Him just because we love Him.  How else would we (I) overcome the persistent, pervasive, relentless selfishness - the desire to please ourselves (myself) at the expense of everything else?  How else would we understand the implicit promise that in that love lies the blessings?

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.  Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Deut6:4