Worry Works?

Soo…. Worry Works..?

Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life? Matt 6:27 (NIV)

During the recent blast of winter’s snowy, showy grandeur,  voices from TV, radio, and print carefully guided our attention to the places and times of the greatest impact of these events.  Each time, the media experts and announcers with maps and charts and graphs and computerized images, instructed us when to worry and what to worry about.  One actually said “but tomorrow you will need to worry about ice and falling tree limbs.”  Worrying, it seems, was a very important part of our preparation for the storms 

 “If worry works as protection against these dangers,” I thought to myself one evening, “just think how effective panic would be.”  Our advisors seem to know how foolish it would be to advise the listeners to panic, but they have no problem telling us to worry. 

The whole thing reminds me of Jesus’ disciples waking him up to worry about the storm approaching their boat.  They had gone past worry into full-blown panic. Jesus was surprised that they had learned so little from him. There are more than one hundred places in scripture where we are instructed not to fear or worry.

We really must be careful about whose instructions we practice.  A young friend recently had a major medical crisis, the direct result of worrying.  Those of us who prayed for his recovery could not help noting that the things he was distressed about never came to past. 

It is helpful to be informed about impending problems so that we can pray and prepare.  Worry is not required.

Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace which exceeds anything we can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus   Phil 4:6-7(NLT)

Happy New Year

Checking our Habits - reposted from Jan 2013

I don't make resolutions but the New Year offers an opportunity to address anew some of the patterns or habits in our lives.  Many believe it takes thirty days to break a habit.  Assuming that is true, change first requires a recognition or realization of the need for change in order to begin the process. 

Day One is the day that we perform a moral inventory and decide that a habit is no longer acceptable in our God-centered life.  Self-justification is over.  We must discard our excuses and eliminate the belief that some intervening factor is the cause of our failings.  We have to decide that the process of change is worth the pain of losing a behavior that has served us well.  We have decided to accept the risk of failure.  These decisions require extraordinary courage and commitment.

Our communication with loved ones is one area that may require reassessment. Over the years as wives and mothers, we often allow behaviors and attitudes that are careless, ineffective, and self-serving to become part of our interactions.   We may talk too much, shout or scream, or argue over minor points.  Bickering, as my mother called it, is an unattractive communication pattern that is almost universal.  We also fall into sarcasm, criticism, cruel jokes, and indifference. (Wow! I just realized that I cannot exhaust the list of worthless communication habits in this space.) 

These patterns are not only unproductive and unbecoming but as habits they become how we deal with one another.  This may seem harmless until we need to communicate about serious matters.  Then, when we need to solve a problem or make a decision we are encumbered by the old pattern of engagement which diverts our energies and blocks our way to resolution.

So, Days Two to Thirty require not fixing ourselves but exercising a biblical principle that will not fails us – confession and repentance – which invites the power of the Holy Spirit to lead us to self-control. In thirty days we should be on our way to communicating as God intended.

A Matter of Style

A MATTER OF STYLE

My husband is working faithfully and diligently on a matter that affects our entire family.  He has taken on full responsibility for the project which has required him to make several trips out of town on the spur of the moment   As I observe him I am aware that my “critical spirit” is evaluating everything  he does.  He is not doing it the way I would do it.  I can hear my negative commentary in my ears.  Can he hear it, too?  I’m sure he knows me well enough to know that I am not in agreement with him.

Since I recently revoked my right to be negative (read:judgmental) I decided to confront myself:  1) he has not asked for my help;  2) he has not asked me to do anything that I find objectionable;  3) he is going forward whether I approve or not; 4) he is taking responsibility for what he does;  5) he is committed to seeing it through to the conclusion, no matter what happens  6) there is nothing to be gained from my negative attitude;  7) this is really a matter of style.

Just as I completed my list he walked into the room, said something to me about his progress, and turned to leave.  “Honey,” I ventured, “Thank you for working so hard to take care of our family.  I appreciate how much you care about all of us.”  As he walked toward me his eyes reddened with tears. “You’re welcome, Sweetie,” he said, smiling a smile of relief as he kissed me.

It was worth it to give up being “right” and lend him my support. After all, in the end, it is only a matter of style. 

 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Happy Holidays - Protect Your Family

As I write this article I am remembering the Thanksgiving when I excused myself before dinner, put my two-year-old daughter in her snowsuit and went home.  My daughter was the only child at this gathering, and the environment was not tolerant of her age-appropriate behavior.  People kept saying “oh, get her,” ”oh, watch her,”  “make her sit down,” “she needs a spanking.” "young people just don't know how to raise children."  These people were well-intentioned but were just not ready for a small child. And, she was certainly not ready for them.  For everyone’s sake it was time for us to go. 

Family gatherings are great but they can be taxing.  As you enjoy the fun keep a watchful eye on your group.  Is your husband being criticized by your Mom, belittled by your sister, bullied into drinking too much by your cousin?  Are you the butt of jokes about your cooking, or your church-going?  Be sure you have a plan and a signal for when someone has had enough.  Have a little family talk ahead of time about what each person can expect and how you want to handle it.

Where are the children? What are they playing and with whom?  Is anyone in charge of the littlest ones?  Many people I have treated report their molestation took place during family functions, when everyone was present, but no one was watching.  Is a child being teased, or isolated?  Where are the alcoholic beverages? Keep checking even when your sister-in-law says you are too over-protective. She won’t be there to deal with the consequences if you neglect this duty.

Why am I bringing this up in the season of comfort and joy?  Because I want to wish you a wonderful holiday and fond memories that will last a lifetime.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

 

T'is the Season

The Season of Thanksgiving, Peace, and Joy
(Just a reminder for old readers, encouragement for new ones.)
Today the title is the article. Now that my days of preparing massive holiday meals are behind me I am taking time to remember the emotion and mission of the season. I am writing to remind us all, dear Ladies, to put the first things first. Unless we make a conscious effort to do this, we will find that we have missed the most important gifts of the season - Thanksgiving, Peace, and Joy. 

My mother was a peaceful, joyful woman – except during the holiday season. During those times she was overwhelmed with the tasks of the celebrations. She took on so much responsibility for keeping peace with the extended family and satisfying the demands and expectations of others that she ended up sick and exhausted.

I learned at her knee to fret over everything, to make too-elaborate plans for meals, gifts, and entertaining, and to believe somehow that I was being judged by everyone by how well I did these things. I suspect that some of you are doing the same as you read this. If so, I refer you back to the PEACE IN THE HOME series of this Blog (See Archives). Everything written there is important for this season. (Peace with God, Peace with Yourself, Peace with Your Husband, Peace with Your Children.) 

First things first! Whatever you do, pray first. If what we do isn’t pleasing to God we are wasting our time and energy. Be sure to honor God with your attitude. If we plan it right the whole season will glorify Him. 

Here are some thoughts:

· The house is clean enough!

· Don’t try to serve everyone’s favorite dish at one meal.

· Don’t make the fresh Cranberry Relish, or other time-consuming dish, unless someone else is hosting the dinner.

· Gifts that really count don’t cost much; giving time costs nothing.

· This is a good time to teach children generosity, sharing, and thankfulness. Try a new family tradition - Volunteer Day - give a young mom a day out, sing for an elderly couple, shop for mittens and hats for another family - Be creative!

· Prolonged guilt about forgiven or unintentional mistakes of the past is not from God.

· If this is not your happiest holiday season, try to bring joy to someone else’s. Give thanks, and try not to dwell too long on what or who is missing.

· Spread peace. Send your first holiday card to the relative who annoys or disapproves of you most. Include a little love note from the Lord. 

· Skip the appetizers. Set out bowls of colorful fruits and nuts (in shells) for family snacking. That will hold them until you are ready to serve the meal.

· Remove yourself from all competitions; let the other guy/girl win this time.

· Enjoy God’s creativity as you strive to appreciate all the unique personalities around you. (Yes, all of them.)

BE AT PEACE! GIVE THANKS! REJOICE! We have already received the Greatest Gift of All. And there is enough to share.


Tina Green

AS WE JUDGE

“It is not by ourselves as we really are that we judge others,

but by an image that we have formed of ourselves from which we have left out

everything that offends our vanity or would discredit us in the eyes of the world. “

Somerset Maugham

 

“And would some Power the small gift give us
To see ourselves as others see us!
It would from many a blunder free us,  . . .”

Robert Burns [Standard English Translation]

“Don’t judge me!” the carnal person exclaims when someone comments on their behavior or lifestyle.  They are distorting God’s principle at the same time calling attention to the hazards of judging others.  Christians are not prohibited from making judgments; we make them all the time. We judge truth from falsehood, right from wrong, wise from foolish.  We judge people and situations.

It is when we judge others that we take our greatest risk.  Often, we use ourselves as the standard of propriety which gives birth to such phrases as “I always. . .”, or “I would never. . .” We do not have enough information to avoid this error.  We can never know what God sees or what He thinks about others or about ourselves.

When we propose to know how God sees the actions of others we must exercise great care to examine ourselves first, not the sanitized version of ourselves that we hope others see, but ourselves as we really are.  Having fully taken on that task in its harshest light we will find we have little time or energy left to condemn others.

“Human beings judge one another by their external actions.

God judges them by their moral choices.”

C.S, Lewis

GRACE

Grace

I am not writing much lately.  The issues the Lord is bringing to my attention seem to defy linguistic interpretation and words that would define them flee from my pen (read: keys) as I approach them. 

For instance I have been trying to define grace – not the unmerited favor from God but the grace we demonstrate to others.  The “grace under pressure” kind of grace.  There is evidence that in generations past women were taught grace -- elegance or beauty of form, manner, motion, or action -- as part of their upbringing.   Men were tutored in what was called “the social graces”, which dictated their behavior in public interactions.  This required that one react to pressure, not with the feelings and emotions of the moment, but with a measured, considered and self-controlled response designed to allow the heat of the moment to dissipate. This is the “grace” in gracious, and graceful.

While there is little obvious emphasis on grace in today’s marketplace it is most obviously missing in many interactions between spouses, loved ones, and family members. We think the most important thing about our communication is that we “speak our mind” or “be heard”.  This leads to unpleasant words spoken in haste and provoking a similar response. How we speak to our family or friends seems to matter so much less to us than having our say.  And all of this seems to take place in the heat of the moment.

We are reminded in scripture that a soft answer quiets the spirit. We are instructed to tame the tongue and bridle it. ! Peter 3 addresses women specifically, mentioning the “gentle and quiet spirit” but the message is by no means restricted to women. Titus instructs us all about the need for self-control.  As you consider this, be assured that it is only by the grace of God that we can demonstrate grace toward others.

“It [God’s grace]teaches us to say “No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age,”  Titus 2 :12a