Bicycle Built for Two
Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3 KJV
Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3 KJV
A few years ago my husband and I bought a tandem bike - a bicycle built for two. It has two sets of pedals and two pairs of handle bars, even two sets of brakes. It may be built for two and powered by two but only one can determine the direction it will go. With my husband in the front I had to yield my will and my point of view to his. First of all he was the only one with a clear view of where we were heading. Secondly, safe travel required that, even if I thought he was going wrong, leaning my body in the opposite direction could lead to disaster for us both. Right or wrong I could not decide to go another way. We could, of course, stop the bike and discuss our course, but once we were in motion the rider in front must be the only one to choose the direction we would travel.
It is not so different on the wild ride of marriage. There are times when a course change can be more dangerous than continuing to travel together until it is safe to stop and reassess. I often see wives leaning hard in the opposite direction of their husbands in hopes of making a mid-course correction. This is especially dangerous when dealing with children. We don’t understand our children nearly as well as they understand us. When parents disagree, they see chaos. They fear no one is in charge, that things will soon fly out of control and their safety is compromised.
The tandem bike also requires a concentration of energy. When the rider in the rear does not contribute to the effort the front rider is at a disadvantage. He must expend more energy and accept that he will cover less ground if he is pedaling for two. Success requires the complete commitment of each rider. A wife who fears her husband has made a bad choice may think the solution is to withdraw support. Rather than lend her help she will sabotage his efforts. In her attempt to lead from the rear seat she may even apply her brakes. This dangerous decision puts them both at risk. Her husband may respond in anger and frustration as he tries to salvage the situation. It will rarely result in the resolution the wife had hoped for. Submitting to the leader is one of the ways biblical wives learn to trust -- in God.
In marriage as in tandem bike riding it is usually best to follow the leader, lean in on the turns, and keep peddling.
It is not so different on the wild ride of marriage. There are times when a course change can be more dangerous than continuing to travel together until it is safe to stop and reassess. I often see wives leaning hard in the opposite direction of their husbands in hopes of making a mid-course correction. This is especially dangerous when dealing with children. We don’t understand our children nearly as well as they understand us. When parents disagree, they see chaos. They fear no one is in charge, that things will soon fly out of control and their safety is compromised.
The tandem bike also requires a concentration of energy. When the rider in the rear does not contribute to the effort the front rider is at a disadvantage. He must expend more energy and accept that he will cover less ground if he is pedaling for two. Success requires the complete commitment of each rider. A wife who fears her husband has made a bad choice may think the solution is to withdraw support. Rather than lend her help she will sabotage his efforts. In her attempt to lead from the rear seat she may even apply her brakes. This dangerous decision puts them both at risk. Her husband may respond in anger and frustration as he tries to salvage the situation. It will rarely result in the resolution the wife had hoped for. Submitting to the leader is one of the ways biblical wives learn to trust -- in God.
In marriage as in tandem bike riding it is usually best to follow the leader, lean in on the turns, and keep peddling.
