PERSONAL WALK

Handled with Care

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone.

I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18 NIV

 

In the store the other day I watched a woman carefully and diligently securing her two young children in the shopping cart.  Out of the blue I believe I saw husbands as God sees them -- needing a woman’s diligent love and care in order to safely grow into the place God has for them. 

 

There was nothing in this revelation that suggested that men were children; just that they need special care and handling in order to reach the potential God has placed in each of them.  This may not sit well with your view of your role as a wife, but I suddenly felt the urge to re-invest in my commitment to my husband to keep watch over him and care for him as though he had been placed in my life for that purpose.

PERSONAL WALK

He Watches

Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.” Psalm 127:1(NIV)

 

I cringe when I learn of the wounds inflicted on woman by various religious cults and doctrines.  Many of us have been born into these false structures and innocently bear the pain of the consequences of flawed teachings.  We have watched our loved ones being devoured by the lies of ravening wolves.   And, the vain philosophies of the world have served us no better. 

 

Even after we learn the truth, it is not easy to accept it and to fully submit our lives to Christ.  The horrors of the past and fear of future exploitation cause us to view with skepticism the very truth of the scriptures which can free us. 

 

And yet we cannot protect ourselves.  While we are looking to the right satan attacks from the left.  Our self-fashioned defenses and weapons (we all have them) are used against us to our destruction, for the Word says: “Unless the LORD builds thehouse, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.” Psalm 127:1(NIV)

 

When we committed to be married we committed to doing it God’s way.  Though we are often consumed with fear, though we see the carnage of destroyed and destructive marriages all around us, we must choose God’s way.  We must submit to his providence and protection as we trust in his Word.  No other way will do.

PERSONAL WALK

FALLING IN LOVE

 

God is dealing with me about something and I am in his hands.  He is instructing me about something I thought I already knew.  He is taking me back to some of the basics.  This may sound very elementary to you but I guess I needed a refresher. 

 

You see, something happened this summer that made me look back at the beginning.  What happened is I saw someone fall in love. Just fall.  Passionately, deeply, unequivocally in love - with God!  It was an awesome experience to witness.  I couldn’t get over it and it began to change me. 

 

Now this was not a new convert in the blush of the realization of the grace and mercy of the Almighty.  This was someone who has been walking with God and serving Himfor many years.  That is what made it so remarkable.  Her long-term struggles had made her a little war weary, but she was fighting on.  She cried out for help.  She solicited the prayers of some of the saints and we responded.  She received our help, confessed her weaknesses, and for me that is where the story would have ended.  Except that I saw her a few weeks later and she was not the same.  We talked and it suddenly hit me. “Oh, my goodness!  You’re in Love.”  “I know”, she whispered, “and I just want to do anything He wants me to do – just because I love HIM so much.  I am giving up my right to do things my way.” 

 

You may be wondering what this has to do with me.  Witnessing this miraculous change in a person whose circumstances had not changed, suddenly made some things totally clear.  I know the promise of the commandment to Love God with all your Heart and all your soul and your entire mind.  I know why He commanded it.  That love is the key to many things.  I won’t even pretend that I know them all.  But I know some new ones.  

 

It is not for His sake that we are instructed to return to our first love.  It is not to punish us that God says he will spit us out for being lukewarm.  It was not a desire for noise that caused Him to repeat to the children of Israel who He was, to instruct them to write it on their doorframes and hang it about their necks, but so that their love wouldn’t grow cold.  It is for our sakes, because the blessing lies in that heated, passionate environment where we will do anything to please Him just because we love Him.  How else would we (I) overcome the persistent, pervasive, relentless selfishness - the desire to please ourselves (myself) at the expense of everything else?  How else would we understand the implicit promise that in that love lies the blessings?

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.  Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Deut6:4

COMMUNICATIONS V

Culture Wars

                                                                      

Several years ago I participated in an exercise designed to help Christian workers understand the process of bringing the Word of God to a foreign culture.  The first characteristic that was required of a new missionary was humility.  The second attribute was an attitude of submission.  The third was a quality of teachability.  In other words once you had demonstrated respect for who they were, submitted to their lifestyle, and communicated a desire to learn from them, you were ready to attempt to teach, that is, present the Gospel. Sadly, none of these qualities is easily attained; the flesh resists them.

 

I was reminded of this a few weeks ago when the Wives Club was discussing struggles with difficult in-laws.  When we marry each of us is joined to a foreign culture (unless you marry a sibling, which is forbidden in most of the world.)  In order to enter safely and have a chance of being accepted, these same characteristics, humility, submission, and teachability, are essential. 

 

It is amazing how highly God esteems humility and how little regard we who love Him have for it.  In many cultures some form of bow, curtsy, genuflect, or kneeling is expected upon meeting or greeting someone or entering their home.  Bowing indicates respect for the culture and position of the other and submission to the authority of that home.  Americans do not bow on the outside, but, as Christians, we would do well to learn to bow on the inside.  This sacrifice of our position and power to that of another for the sake of love can be the first step to acceptance when meeting new acquaintances or dealing with in-laws.  Failure to do so can lead to rifts that can last a lifetime. 

 

If you put yourself above others, you will be put down. But if you humble yourself, you will be honored.Matthew 23:11-13 CEV

 

Blessed and Highly Favored

(This article was first posted on 5/26/2006)

 

On a recent TV show, lovely young women who aspired to be fashion models were warned, “When you are a top model you are always a top model, not just on the runway or in front of the camera.  There are phone cameras and Polaroid cameras and digital cameas everywhere.  Someone is always watching you.  No matter how you feel, sick or well, happy or sad, rich or broke, you’re a Top Model!!  You have to pay attention to your hair, your make-up and what you wear.  You have to look like a top model, act like a top model, sound like a top model, no matter what!”  This was an interesting notion.   For many centuries royalty around the world trained their children that they were always royalty no matter where they were.  They should always look and act like royalty.  The "crown" must not be embarrassed.

 

In a Wives Club session a few weeks ago we were discussing situations where members were offended, ignored or treated badly by co-workers, employers, relatives and in-laws.  Searching for biblical responses to this kind of suffering, it occurred to me that the rules for models and royal offspring certainly apply to us.  We Christian wives were chosen by the Creator of the Universe, are children of the Most High, a royal priesthood, and heirs with the Prince of Heaven to the throne of God.  No matter where we are, who we are with, or how we feel, our appearance, speech, attitude, and actions reflect that we know we are Christian women, daughters of the King.  We willingly submit to the training required for that position.

 

This is what Peter meant when he reminded wives who we are.  He says, “But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in his steps.” 1Pet. 2:20(b)-21(NIV)

 

“Lord help us to know how to represent you in whatever we suffer. Amen”

 

Ready to Wed

(This article was first posted in Aug 2006)
The One-Flesh Relationship

     For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
Genesis 2:23-25(NIV)

 

As my husband and I celebrate our Forty-fifth Anniversary I consider again God’s plan for marriage.  It was God’s intention that marriage would be permanent between two people who have a “one-flesh relationship”.  The implication of one flesh is that nothing could be good for only one of them.  By definition, no single person in the marital relationship could consider ‘good’ that which did harm to the other.  The very idea would be silly if we applied it to our understanding of our own bodies.  Imagine doing something good for one part of the body that does damage to another part.  When we are considering a new prescription we immediately want to know the ‘side effects’.  If they are substantial wewant to be sure that the wholebody eventually benefits.  If we cannot foresee in our actions the potential harm to the marital union we must be ready to put things right as soon as we discover it.

 

If God believed this was possible why do we set out to prove Him wrong?  We must remember that his plan only came into question after the Fall when the prince of this world caused men’s (and women’s) hearts to harden toward each other.  Lifelong marriage is possible because God said it is. 

 

Jesus continually makes mention of marriage and the bridegroom so that we can understand that this relationship was designed to work. It is compared to His relationship with the church so that we will know that it can work only when the relationship has God as its center and its focus.  How else would we overcome our persistent, pervasive, relentless selfishness - our desire to please ourselves at the expense of everything else.  We must depend on God as the source of that love that will enable us not only to stay married, but to stay passionately, intimately, and enthusiastically married until death parts us.

Communications IV Fight Right!

Fight Right!

 

In the old Chevy Chase movie, National Lampoon’s European Vacation, Chevy drives his family into a traffic circle in Paris in the morning, and when the stars come out he still hasn’t figured out how to drive out of the circle.  We watch them go around and around and around.  Some of our interactions with loved ones are like that. Something sets off a series of events and then you go round and round and round.  Most families have these patterns. We don’t realize that all of our fights look alike. I call it the Cycle of Interaction.  Below is a familiar scene:

 

Husband and wife, preparing to leave for work.

W.  “Please put Jacob’s sweater on him before you take him to day care.  I think it is going to be chilly at recess time”

H.  “Okay”

W. (on phone) “Did you put his sweater on?” 

H. “Yes I did”

W.  “Are you sure you did it?”

H.; “Yeesss”

W. Which one?

H.  “Look I don’t know which one.  You asked me to do it. I did it.”

W.  I just want to know.  I don’t want my baby to be cold. You know how easily he catches cold!!

H. “You don’t have to ask me a hundred times!  I am not an idiot!  Anyway, you coddle him too much!  That’s why he gets sick all the time!

 W. “How can you say that.  I am the one who is up with him all night.”

EXPLOSION!

 

Many things are at work here.  If the couple examines their pattern they will discover that there are several exits around this cycle on the way to the explosion.  1. Wife specifies which sweater 2. Wife trusts husband to comply with her wishes. 3. Husband recognizes and is sympathetic to his wife’s anxiety; reassures her. 4. Wife understands that her questioning has offended her husband and apologizes. 5. Husband avoids responding with the personal attack on his wife’s mothering ability. 6. Wife, in prayer, places her child in God’s hands since she cannot protect him at all times.

 

There are probably others I have missed, but you get the idea. Try to find the exits yourself with the scene below.

 

H. “You know, we are going to have to watch our expenses for a while.  These gas prices are killing us.”

W. (Not looking up) “Uh-huh”

H.  “We need to tighten our belts”

W. (Not looking up) “Um-humm.”

H. “Do you hear me?  You can’t just keep spending.  We have to stay within the budget. Do you understand?

W. Yeh.

H. “I am trying to talk to you!!”

W. “Why are you shouting. I said “yes.” Why do you always get so upset.”

H.  “I am not getting upset!! You are upsetting me!!!

W. “But I haven’t said anything.  I am not yelling at you.

EXPLOSION!!!!

 

Get it?  Now try it with one of your own family scenes.

For,

"Whoever would love life and see good days
   must keep his tongue from evil
      and his lips from deceitful speech.
       He must turn from evil and do good;
      he must seek peace and pursue it. Peter 3:10-11(NIV)

COMMUNICATION III

Something New

Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. (1 Peter 3:4 NIV)

 

At a recent meeting the wives were discussing how often we say unnecessary things to our husbands. It seems most of us feel compelled to tell them when they have “slipped up”.  You know, things like:  You forgot to get the milk.  Why did you buy that color?  When are you going to fix the curtain rod?  You never remember anything I ask you to do. You always leave things till the last minute.

 

What would happen, we wondered, if we just didn't mention it?  One woman who was very new to the group decided she this was an area she wanted to correct.  Her gracious Heavenly Father gave her a chance to try it as soon as she got home from the meeting.  As she put her key in the door the faint aroma of burnt food wafted toward her.  Oh, no!  she thought.  My sauce!  She had given her husband instructions to rescue the sauce she had left simmering on the stove.  Images of her usual reaction to such an event flashed through her mind.  But, she wanted to try something new.

 

In the kitchen she found her husband attempting to clean up the mess.  She took a deep breath and greeted him warmly.  She put her things away and returned to the kitchen to help him.  His expression of horror slowly turned to relief as she scrubbed the pot and chatted about her meeting and his evening with their son. 

 

They were together when they happily related this story to me.  She reported that she had experienced a sense of joy for the rest of that evening.  To my surprise, he reported that after the initial shock, his wife’s reaction actually strengthened him.  I am not going to pretend that I understand that comment, but it seemed to hold all kinds of benefits for his wife that she could never have expected from her “usual reaction”.  I could sense a new closeness between them.

 

Since our usual reactions don’t usually work, we might as well try something new.

 

 

 

COMMUNICATION II

GETTING THE MESSAGE

 

My husband used to be a little withdrawn if I came home later than he did.  Our conversation would be strained for a bit.  I never understood this.  I thought he was being controlling and self-centered and did not appreciate how busy my days are.  I would actually dread coming in after him.  Who needs this!  After all, his hours were very erratic and I have never complained!

 

One day I came home from an evening church meeting and found the young woman who lived with us sitting in her car outside.  She had come from the same church meeting.  As she got out of her car to walk in with me I asked what she was waiting for.  “I was waiting for you,” she said.  “I knew you were right behind me but I didn’t want to go in without you.  I didn’t want to have to explain where you were.”  Okay, now I really don’t get it.

 

The next day I took my husband’s car for a doctor’s appointment because my van was too tall for the underground garage.  Returning home I turned the cornerof my street and saw the top of my green van in our driveway at the end of the street.  I felt a sense of relief mixed with delight.  “He’s home!” I thought.  Instantly I understood!

 

I greeted my husband and told him the experience I had just had.  “Yeh,” he said with an embarrassed smile.  “When I turn the corner and see your van I know everything is all right.  When it isn’t there I start to wonder where you are and when you will get here and if you are safe.  It changes my mood.  I know it’s silly but I can’t help it. I’ve been away all day and I just need to see you.”

 

How easy it had been for me ascribe negative motives to his very normal, very loving reaction.  Once we had talked about it I tried harder to be home when he arrived and he tried harder to understand when I wasn’t. 

 

My dove in the clefts of the rock, in the hiding places on the mountainside, show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely.  Song of Solomon 2:14 (NIV)

 

 

COMMUNICATION I

Guarding Marriage

Every marriage is in danger if communication is not carefully guarded.  That sometimes means being careful not to respond out of hurt feelings, wounded pride, or thoughts of desperation.  Once when my husband and I were going through a rough patch we were having protracted heated discussions.  This took place over a period of weeks whenever the children were out of earshot.  At one point, in complete exhaustion my husband said, “I don’t know.  Maybe marriages like ours (career military) just can’t make it.”  

 

Actually, several marriages in our circle had recently broken up.  I realize now that if I had responded out of pride or hurt or fear we would have been in serious trouble.  I also realize now that my husband’s comment was an expression of his fears.  But I just turned into a crazy woman.  “What are you talking about?”  I screamed.  “No one and nothing outside the two of us is going to determine how long we stay married.  This marriage is not up for grabs.  It does not belong to the Marine Corps: itbelongs to us.  What is happening now is not a threat to our marriage because we are not giving that up.  We just have to find a way to work through this but it has nothing to do with our staying married!”  I was literally shrieking at him, as close up as I could get.  I was protecting the most important thing in my (natural) life: my marriage!  As I held on to him I saw what looked like relief in his face.  Until that moment he wasn’t sure how much trouble we were in.  He was from a broken home and he wanted to know if I was giving up.  By suggesting that this problem could end our marriage, he had put it all in perspective for me. 

 

Wives, sometimes we are the guardians of our marriages.  Take a stand for the marriage and assume that everything else can be worked out.  It may not turn out that way but it is the best place to start. 

Toward the Goal

(By request: First posted March 2006)

 

 . . . do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.Col 3:21(NIV)

How often we read that scripture without knowing how to apply it to ourselves.  We do the tough job of setting and enforcing limits to the best of our ability,  as God requires, seeking His guidance and direction.  We recognize the child’s will seeks its own way.  Sometimes we seem to be in a battle for our very lives - and theirs.  Yet, we are admonished not to cause them to become discouraged, dispirited, or  disheartened. 

 

In the book Self-Confrontation, a manual for training Christian counselors, the authors list thirty-one ways that parents embitter their children.  As I read them it seems that the way parents provoke their children is by focusing on themselves rather than on God’s plan for the child.  We focus on our fears, anger, frustration, impatience, embarrassment, pride, fatigue, uncertainty, or disappointment.  Then we address our child’s behavior or requests.  Often the child reacts to our motivation and becomes angry.

 

When my daughter was twelve years old she was invited by a classmate to a party given by the other child’s older siblings.  It would certainly not be the proper environment for a pre-teen.  I told my daughter she was too young for this party and left her sobbing angrily on the front steps.  I was annoyed that I had to deal with this problem at this point in my day.  Why didn’t she know not to make such a ridiculous request?  When I was her age I would have known better.  But, as I walked into the kitchen, God gave me a momentary glimpse of my own twelve-year-old world,  How often  I cried as I dealt with the challenges of being not yet grown up but not still a child. 

 

My goal was right.  My answer was right.  But, my focus was wrong, and my child was angry.   With the memory of my own youth fresh in my mind, I went back to my daughter, took her in my arms, and held her tight.  I expressed sadness that she was so disappointed.  I told her I was sorry this party had not been planned with her in mind, and I hoped there would be an appropriate one soon.  As we talked, the anger dissolved.  No.  I couldn’t change my answer, but I did change my attitude.  I put her feelings ahead of my own.  My daughter saw that I was really on her side.  She saw that, in setting the limits, I was doing what God required me to do, not just spoiling her fun.  We planned another activity for the day of the party. 

 

Our goal as parents is to providediscipline and structure for our children so that we can bring them up in the fear of the Lord.  To do this they must see us submitting our wills to Jesus and see Him working in us.

TG © 1998

UNDER AUTHORITY

“Obey” is not a Four-Letter Word!

 

My husband and I were sightseeing one day with four of our nine grandchildren.  There was his little group in front and my little group in the rear, with the seven-year-old in between.  In a split second she decided to catch up with the forward group and took off like a shot.  I shouted: “Brianna, Stop!”  She stopped and did not move another inch.  If she had she would have entered an active traffic lane as the light changed. I am so grateful my daughter and her husband have taught their children to obey.  (They are still deciding if the children will ever be allowed to visit us again.)

 

 I am convinced that there is no more important lesson we teach our children than obedience.  I understand that this is a minority position.  American society has attached mostly negative connotations to the word “obey”.  I am also convinced that it is the most difficult lesson to teach children.  Some of the reasons for the difficulty lie in them, some in us.  The child is born with a will.  God put it there.  This is so that throughout his life he will have to choose whether or not to do right, thereby taming his own errant nature conforming it to the will of the Father. How successful he is in controlling his inner urges will determine his ability to safely pass through the rapids of life’s challenges.

 

The problem is that this will is also the root of strivings, rebellion, independence, and personality.  The task of parenting is to help the child to rein in the functions of his will that can cause him harm without destroying the others.  (Americans value striving and independence more than some other cultures do.)  American parents speak of “breaking the child’s spirit” when they discuss teaching obedience.  Some parents even encourage rebelling against authority as positive self-expression.  Many parents are themselves, in rebellion.  This ambivalence can make parental guidance a hit-or-miss proposition.

 

But the Christian life is a life under authority.  Wherever God chooses to require something of us, I like to think about the purpose of the requirement.  It is interesting that scripture seldom feels the need to explain, as we so often do, the reason obedience is required.  I suppose that is because when our benevolent Father commands somethingBecause of his love for us, he expects obedience as evidence of our love for Him.  Invariably our freedom is limited for our protection or for our good Most of the commands we give our children are inspired by the same motives. (If our rules and directions do not meet that criterion we should address our own motives and amend our commands accordingly.)  We should not allow the child’s questions or discomfort to cause us to change our expectations.  Whatever you want to teach your child, teach obedience first.  

 

PERSONAL WALK

Just for me!

 

After years of negative input, much of it from our own internal voices, it is difficult for some of us to believe that we have any value in God’s sight.  In case I might forget I get reminded once a month. 

 

This happened the first time soon after I gave my life to Christ.  I was seated in a darkened corner of the sanctuary one Sunday morning.  The elements for communion had been passed out and the congregation was praying over them quietly.  As I held the bread and grape juice in my hands I prayed a prayer of Thanksgiving that the Lord had rescued us sinners from the world’s view of our existence.  A small, firm voice whispered into my spirit, saying, “I would have done it if you had been the only one.”  I sat there for a moment not fully comprehending.  The voice spoke again. “I would have died if you had been the only one.”  At that moment I was overwhelmed by a sense of peace and love, too wonderful to express or understand.  Tears of joy ran down my face and for the first time in my life I felt fully loved and accepted, just as I was.

 

My worth is no longer in question.  Each time I hold the communion elements in my hands my heart is blessed.  I am reminded, “He did not just die, he did it for me!”

GOD'S PROVISION II

Pouring Out

 

But we were gentle among you, like a mother caring for her little children. We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.

 

For you know that we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children, encouraging, comforting and urging you to live lives worthy of God, who calls you into his kingdom and glory.

1Thessolonians 2:7-8, 11-12(NIV)

 

A few years ago I came across a greeting card with a picture of a small watering can on the front.  It said “When You pour out. . .”  Inside was a larger watering can and the caption continued “. . .He pours in.”  How I loved that card.  Before I committed my life to Christ I used to live in fear of being used up by the people who came into my life.  After my conversion I was astonished to find out that pouring out was one of the assignments He had for me.  Whenever that old fear would return I would have to run to the Lord and cry out Him to supply my need.

 

Whether you call it mentoring, discipling, or spiritual parenting, those of us who are chosen to pour into the lives of others will often find the experience bitter-sweet. We are required to live out the passion of the passages in 1Thessolonians with no reservations, but we must also recognize that these “spiritual children” have a will of their own.  They must someday take what we have given them and walk away from us.  If they walk in the way we have prayed that they would, we rejoice with great thanksgivinig.  But, if they choose another way we are hurt and disheartened. 

 

And, our task does not end there.  If we are to be servants who are worthy of our hire we must continue to pour out, praying and seeking God on behalf of this one who has dealt us such a deep wound.  Further, we may not allow bitterness to form a callus on our hearts.  We must do all the work of forgiveness and keep the light on for them in our hearts in case they should once again need us.  All this is impossible unless we remember: “When we pour out, He pours in.”

 

From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.

 Luke 12:48b(NIV)

 

PERSONAL WALK

What Do You Need?     

 

Before I make a cake I conduct a little inventory of the refrigerator and pantry to see what I need.  Then I make a shopping list.  This is a routine activity that causes me little angst.  I don’t scold myself because the vanilla extract is low or feel ashamed because I used up the last of the eggs.  I just head off to the store.

 

When I read 1st Corinthians 13 or Colossians 3, I often find myself in distress over how little of the love ingredients I have to adequately serve my neighbors (spouse, children, colleagues, etc.)   I either admonish myself for my shortcomings, bristle at the demand or try to brush the need aside and let those people fend for themselves.  I don’t immediately take my “shopping list” to the source where the missing ingredient can be supplied.  And yet, that is what our all-sufficient Lord has asked us to do.

I am not trying to trivialize the process of prayer.   The interesting thing about this is that He knows!  He knows what we are missing and is ready to supply all our needs according to his abundant riches.  But we have to ask!  What keeps us from asking is the same pride, rebellion, independence and mistrust that has plagued humankind since the Garden.  What grand notions we have of ourselves compared to how He sees us! 

As a father has compassion on his children,
       so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. Psalm 103:14-15 NIV

Beating ourselves up about these limitations is to suggest that we should have already attained that which only God is able to build in us.  He allows us to enter situations like marriage, parenting, communities, workplaces, and churches where our needs will soon become painfully obvious so that we will realize our dependence upon Him.

O what peace we often forfeit, O what needless pain we bear
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Hymn: “What a Friend We Have in Jesus”

Words: Joseph Scriven, music: Charles C. Converse.

TRUST AND OBEY, II

Under Authority – How it Really Works

For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. 1 Peter 3:5, 6 (NIV)

 

Many “modern” women have asked their minister to remove the word “obey” from their wedding vows.  Many clergymen have removed it without being asked.  In the modern world, the obedience of a married woman is no longer expected.  But for Christian women the requirement of scripture to obey one’s husband can cause serious personal struggles for which we are rarely prepared.

 

This subject came up in a recent discussion with a group of women.  What should a Christian woman do when her husband tells her to do something that she thinks is not in the family’s best interest.  The topics were wide ranging: quit a job, get a job (small children at home), sign papers for a loan, move to another community (or state, or country).  The issues did not involve committing a sin. 

 

As women under authority, we are required to obey.  God never gives us the whole picture of anything.  That is why he requires obedience.  When we obey our husbands it keeps us under God's protective covering.  Since the wife may be right in this matter, and the husband may be wrong, we must proceed cautiously.  As your husband’s helper you should be seeking God’s will on his behalf and not just your own.  In order to approach this situation prepared for God’s answer wives should follow these steps:

 

1)  Check yourself.  Ask God to show you if there is any rebellion in you. Sometimes your tears and anger are signs of your own willfulness.   Confess your sin, with thanksgiving (be thankful for a husband who takes on the responsibility of leadership.)  Cry out to God and ask Him to remove your need to have your own way.

 

2)  Cry out to God.  Present your requests to God with.  Submit your will to God.  Ask Him to direct your husband in this matter.  Ask God to speak to you through your husband, or show him if he is wrong. Women who want a husband who leads must be prepared to follow.

 

3)  Speak to your husband again.  Pick a neutral time. Speak calmly to your husband, promising not to raise the issue again. Present your concerns and alternatives clearly.  This is not a time to convince him that he is wrong.  You are acting as an advisor, a helper.  Let him know you will comply with his decision.  Ask him to pray again before he answers.

 

4)  Cry out to God again.  If the decision is not what you hoped, ask God to guide you as you comply.  Ask Him to be in charge of the process.  Pray that God will protect your family and give you peace.  Pray and give thanks; rejoice, sing praises to God.  Expect to experience some feelings of sadness and loss. You may talk to a trusted friend who understands your desire to please God (not the one who always takes your side.)  Do not take your grieving out on your husband.  Remember what Jesus said in the garden: “Nevertheless, not my will, but Thine.”

 

5)  Watch God work.  Keeping a journal of what God has done helps many women remember to trust God in the difficult times.  He loves you.   

 

Trust and obey.  There is not better way

 to be happy in Jesus than to trust and obey.

Hymm, John Sammis, 1887

 

Wives Club Homework

Once again, readers, we have a list that is far from complete.  Feel free to make your additions and corrections to this list in your "comments" below.  Try these out.

 

 

 

The Not-So-Common Sense Rules for Marriage

 

When you give something, Release it.

When you are given something, Accept it.

When you open something, Close it.

When you dirty something, Clean it.

When you make a mistake, Admit it

When you drop something, Pick it up.

When you hurt someone, Apologize

When someone hurts you, Forgive them

When you break something, Admit itl

When you have something special, Share it.

Remember the Magic Words:

 Please, Thank you, and I’m Sorry

Remember the Golden Rule:

  Do For Your Spouse What You Wish He Would Do For You.

Do all of this as unto our Lord, Jesus Christ

Start Now!

 

TRUST AND OBEY

Under Authority

 

“If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love.” (John 15:10 (NIV)

 

I admit it!  I hate being told what to do.  I don’t like to obey rules that I think are wrong, or inconvenient.  I often think my ideas are better than those of the leaders over me.  Some of you may feel the same way.  Yet, as Christian women we are under authority.  That means that we are submitted to God and to those God has placed over us.  That includes civil authorities we think are incompetent, foolish, or even wicked, church leaders, and supervisors and bosses.  We wives are subject to our husbands even when we think they are not making the best decisions. 

 

Many have been distressed to hear of local rulings governing religious practices that seem intended to hinder our expressions of Christianity.  This is upsetting but we cannot consider our concerns for too long.  Nothing pleases the enemy of our souls more than to get us thinking about your comfort, our security, our peace of mind, and our rights. It takes our eyes off the ball.  Nowhere in scripture are we instructed to concern ourselves about our circumstances in this world, obsessed with protecting ourselves from harm, or fearing the persecutions to come.  We differ from the world because we believe in the supernatural powers of God.  That means that we obey God and let God take care of us.  It is the very fact that this doesn’t make sense that keeps us trusting, obeying and believing. 

 

The thing is that our primary task on earth as Christians is to become more like Christ.  God is completely in charge of the curriculum that shapes us.  Whatever it takes to make us more like Christ, the Father will allow, even require.  Christ assured us that he does nothing that is not commanded by the Father.  This is what it means to be under authority.  In military service, where authority is fully understood, one stands where he is told, walks where he is told, and does what he is told, despite the hardship or danger involved.  This makes no sense, and yet this is the source of the power of the military. 

 

We cannot allow the world’s wickedness or our feelings to determine our actions. Our obedience is required.

 

 

“During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission. Although he was a son, he learned obedience from what he suffered and, once made perfect, he became the source of eternal salvation for all who obey him.” Hebrews 5:7-9 (NIV)