Now
a certain man was there who had an infirmity thirty-eight years. When
Jesus saw him lying there, and knew that he already had been in that condition a long time, He
said to him, “Do
you want to be made well?” The sick man answered Him,
“Sir, I have no man to put me into the pool when the water is stirred up; but
while I am coming, another steps down before me.” Jesus
said to him, “Rise,
take up your bed and walk.” And immediately the man
was made well, took up his bed, and walked. John5:5-9 NIV
It seems strange to ask a sick man if he wants to get well but I am beginning to realize something about change: it has to be "wanted". I have met with many women who wanted me to help them change their husband or childen, but often had not made the changes I had asked of them.
Change is not all good, as anyone who tries to lose weight or quit smoking well knows. You have to give up something; something you have used to protect yourself or make you feel better. Change (getting well) means giving up blaming others and taking responsibility for you self, your thoughts, your actions. It means replacing self-pity with self-control. It means you are the only reason for your circumstances and you are the only person who can fix them.
To focus on trying to change someone else assumes they want it and yet you're the one who needs it. You need him to change. That doesn't make sense. You need to focus on your change. If you can't really pull off real change, why would you expect to see real change in other people on your behalf. They have no motivation or desire to make the change. They have no reason to want to change in a way that would make your life easier. If you cannot demonstrate the change you have made, why are you expecting to see change in others?
The question in these circumstances is: Do you want to get well?
