Why Wives?

A wife of noble character who can find?
    She is worth far more than rubies.
 Her husband has full confidence in her
    and lacks nothing of value.
 She brings him good, not harm,
    all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:10-12 (NIV)

A while back I wrote to you about resetting your relationship (April 25, 20215) with your husband.  One woman who read it before it was posted asked me why it always fell to the wife to create the atmosphere for a talk to help to improve the marital environment.  I have heard this question many times before, though I have never asked it myself.  I have never asked it because my own dear husband would suffer in silence forever before he would raise the issue for discussion.  Why? Because he has very little talent for that sort of communication.  He depends on me to keep our home comfortable physically and emotionally.  I am his helper, and that is the help he needs from me. 

Husbands are often aware of the tension in the air but don’t know what to do to make it better.  They are unlikely to read an article like this.  They also find our emotional lives very confusing given the hormonal changes (they think) we experience.  Another reason that wives may be the ones to initiate change in the home is because we are more likely to recognize the need and believe that something should be done.  We are far more hopeful that change is possible (even if it isn’t). 

Scripture may give us the third reason that wives usually initiate attempts to improve their relationships.  Proverbs 14:1 states “The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.” (NIV)  The Easy-to-Read Version (ERV) puts it this way, “A wise woman makes her home what it should be, but the home of a foolish woman is destroyed by her own actions.^[a] I believe God gives woman the wisdom to know how to build and protect her emotional house.  We are admonished not to allow it to be destroyed by foolishness. 

Sometimes it is wise to remember that “wife” is a job title as well as a relationship description.  We have accepted the job of wife for which we have been carefully designed.  Do not allow your frustration with your husband or the struggles you face cause you to neglect the work that is necessary to keep your home strong and healthy. May God be pleased with your service.

 

A Friend Moves On

Elizabeth Elliot 1926-2015

Last week my dear friend, Elizabeth Elliot, passed away.  No, I never met her but she has been a special part of my life for many years, through her books and articles.  I was attracted to her because she believed in marriage, and she believed that the Bible held the answers to making relationships work.  She made it make sense.

Elizabeth is most easily recognized because her first husband was Jim Elliot, the missionary who was killed by South American indians in 1956. (See film: The End of the Spear)  In honor of her life’s work, I am posting one of the articles that illustrates her gifts:

Leave Him to Me

When there is deep misunderstanding which has led to the erection of barriers between two who once were close, every day brings the strengthening of those barriers if they are not, by God's grace, breached. One prays and finds no way at all to break through. Love seems to "backfire" every time. Explanations become impossible. New accusations arise, it seems, from nowhere (though it is well to recall who is named the Accuser of the brethren). The situation becomes ever more complex and insoluble, and the mind goes round and round, seeking the place where things went wrong, brooding over the words which were like daggers, regretting the failures and mistakes, wondering (most painfully) how it could have been different. Much spiritual and emotional energy is drained in this way--but the Lord wants to teach us to commit, trust, and rest.

"Leave him to me this afternoon," is what his word is. "There is nothing else that I am asking
of you this afternoon but that: leave him to Me. You cannot fathom all that is taking place. You
don't need to. I am at work--in you, in him.  Leave him to Me. Some day it will come clear--trust Me."

"Humble yourselves under God's mighty hand, and he will lift you up in due time. Cast all your
cares on Him, for you [and the other] are hischarge" (l Pt 5:7).
Elisabeth Elliot, A Lamp For My Feet

Me, First

^{Me, First}

For the foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength. 1Cor 1:23(NIV)

There is a great deal of religious confusion in the world today.  As a result many have begun to externalize our Christianity. By this I mean we look outside ourselves for direction and affirmation instead of referencing our relationship with God and following his instruction.  No one knows where you are in your walk with the Lord and no one knows your struggles.  You cannot truly know anyone else.

I knew a woman who sang on the praise team at her church. She told me privately that sometimes during the worship she has to step aside or take a seat.  She said that she needed to do that because before accepting Christ she was a nightclub singer.  When a song had a rhythm or a sound that reminded her of music from her past, she needed to remain silent and keep her heart and mind fixed on Jesus.

It is easy to imagine the chorus of opinions this story would evoke but this woman was being authentic, true to her herself and her pursuit of godliness.  Only she and the Holy Spirit know her struggles.  She does not need external rules, comparisons, or the affirmation of others in this area of her life.  She understands that she must run the course that God has set before her. 

I am convinced that the most important thing I can do to grow in Christ is to look at me, first.

God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.  God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are,  so that no one may boast before him.  It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption.  Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.1 Cor 1:27-31(NIV)