". . . .and Love Your Neighbor" II

Never do anything you don’t want to do. 

All right, dear reader, hold the emails. Once you grasp the meaning of this rule, you will understand why it is essential to biblical love and service.  Consider how you serve and help the “neighbors” who distress or upset you.  You grudgingly agree to perform a service and then you attach the strings.  They had better appreciate what you do.  They should show the proper gratitude and find ways to thank you.  Whatever you do for them should not inconvenience or overtax you.  Heaven forbid it should take up time or resources you had allotted to something else.  Then you add this favor to the list of many you believe you have done, and should be appreciated for. 

 

The next thing you do is to record a silent bargain with your neighbor.  He doesn’t know it, but he now owes you.  Since he doesn’t know about the deal it is unlikely that he will be able to keep it.  At any time now he may violate the pact.  If he ignores you, or fails to pay the sum you have decided upon, you will feel free to settle down into your Volkswagen-sized grudge.  You feel abused and exploited and someone will have to pay.

 

You have heard of this before.  It is the motivation behind the statement:  “After all I have done for him/her/you/them . . .” in the inevitable retelling of this tale. Now you’re getting it.  Whatever was done has created a permanent obligation from the recipient to the giver.  There are bad feelings all around.

 

The solution:  Don’t ever do anything you don’t want to do.  Then, once you do it, take responsibility for it.  Don’t take hostages.  Whatever you did, whatever it cost, it was an act of your own will.  No one owes you anything.  Make sure all your gifts and services are free to the recipient.  This is especially important when you are serving your family.  Children should be taught to be grateful, but they cannot pay you back and don’t understand the burden you have placed upon them.  Spouses and children can’t understand paying you back for what they consider to be an act of love.

 

Now we have reached the flaw in this rule.  There are times when serving is simply our biblical responsibility, no matter how we feel.  That means we may have to do something we don’t want to do.  The rule doesn’t change, but the process does.  First, you need to understand why you don’t want to perform this service.  Then you must work at making your attitude line up with biblical principles.  

 

Often God gives us a tough serving assignment so that he can gain access to our hearts to make a few adjustments.  Self-righteousness, perfectionism, and unforgiveness are some of the causes of resistance to doing God’s will in relation to others.  Through this process, we are humbled and can receive instruction and comfort from Him.  God is pleased when we recognize our weakness and dependence upon Him.

         I can do everything through him who gives me strength. Phil. 4:13NIV

No Surprises

If you contend for righteousness, don't be surprised at the opposition.  It is the fight that strengthens you.

. . . and Love Your Neighbor

One reason we have such difficulty in relationships with others is that we proceed as though there are no instructions.  And yet the instructions are excruciatingly clear:

 

 For the whole law can be summed up in this one command: "Love your neighbor as yourself." Gal 5:14 NLV

 

It is not so mysterious.  The question is not, “What would Jesus do?”, but “What did He command us to do?”  The problem is that often what we want to do bears little resemblance to what we have been commanded to do.  So instead of obeying the commandment we become consumed with confusion. 

 

For instance, “Who is my neighbor?”  Now, how could that be confusing?  It is easier to answer who is not your neighbor.  According to scripture no one gets left out.  “Well, then, what is love?”  Okay, that is a tough one?  Because love is certainly not what most of the world thinks it is – a way to get our own needs met.   You know: “I love you because you have all the qualities I need to feel good about myself.”  No.  That’s not it.  Let’s keep going and see if this gets clearer. 

 

“How do I love myself?”  Hmmm. More confusion?  No matter what we may think from time to time, we really do love ourselves.  We may hate our uncooperative hair, double chins, and even our flat feet, but if anyone asks us how we would like to be treated at any given time we would choose for ourselves the best of care.  No one would ever say to himself, “I wish the worst possible treatment for myself.  I wish to be betrayed, belittled, lied to, and ignored.  I wish to be abused, and treated in every rude and disrespectful manner.”

 

Okay.  Christ says take all the stuff you want for yourself, and give it to everybody else. 

 

“Oh, Please!  How can He expect that?  Do you know what I went through yesterday?”   Well, no. I don’t.  But, Jesus does.  And He knew it would happen when He gave you the commandment. 

 

You see, early one morning, after a particularly difficult week and a challenging weekend, Jesus went to visit some friends.  These friends had just recently abandoned his cause, and one had even denied knowing him.  But, that morning they had been up working most of the night.  Realizing that they were discouraged and hungry, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, God incarnate, King of kings, Lord of lords, the Lamb of God who was tortured, bled and died for the sins of the whole world, the Risen Savior. . . . . cooked breakfast.  

(based on John 21:1-13)

© T.G. 1999

Driver's Ed for Preschoolers

DRIVER’S EDUCATION FOR PRESCHOOLERS

Discipline your son, for in that there is hope.  Do not be a willing party to his death. Psalm 19:18NIV

 

I recently saw a television report on a program designed to reduce teen deaths in auto accidents.  In this program parents and new teen drivers agreed to have a camera in the car for one year when the teen was driving. Parents and teens viewed the tapes together each week. 

In addition to the speeding and ignoring traffic signals, the teens also over crowded their cars, talked on cell phones, ate and drank, talked with friends and blasted radios – sometimes doing all at once!  Some drove family cars, others had been given cars of their own.  Stunned parents fought back tears of rage and fear.  The teens were cowed or brazen or embarrassed.  One mother had to watch her daughter have a terrible accident while using her cell phone.  The experts discussed how the teens could be taught to be less reckless.  No one asked the question that troubled me.  Why were such disobedient children allowed to drive cars?

 

When did a law that says a child may drive a car at sixteen turn into a law that says he must?  When did they add the part that says a parent must provide said vehicle?  According to most teens and their parents the parent must supply any irresponsible, rebellious sixteen-year-old with a car in which he can now destroy himself, his passengers, other motorists, and untold thousands of dollars in property.  What are we thinking? If Johnny doesn’t obey his curfew why would he obey a stop sign?  Driving, for all of us, is a privilege, one which will be revoked if we are caught breaking the law.  It is not an inalienable right. 

 

This raises the question: What kind of education is needed to prepare a child for the open road and when does it start?  I thought about the interactions I witnessed recently:

 

A mother in a store with a small child says he can have the ball he wants but he must not bounce it in the store.  Seconds later I can hear the ball bouncing while the mother continues shopping.  Repeating her admonition over and over she proceeds to the checkout to pay for the still-bouncing ball. 

 

Two mothers with little ones in tow discuss their weekend over the din of their bickering, teasing children.  The mothers occasionally scold, promise or threaten. Finally, one child begins to scream and accuse another of hitting him. (He was actually hit because he was taking the other child’s toy.)  The mother comforts him and assures him that he is not hurt; the child screams louder and longer.  After her attempts to continue her conversation fail she picks up her child and says “What?  Do you want some candy?”  She grabs a bag of gourmet candy (the only kind this store sells) from a shelf, opens it, and doles it out to the children.  Her conversation resumes.

 

Two little sisters are told they can have one toy each.  One girl chooses two toys and her mother says one must be returned to the shelf.  She refuses and a loud discussion ensues. The child insists that she have it and begins to throw other toys on the floor.  Her mother explains why she cannot while she picks up the toys.  Still trying to explain her decision, she finishes her shopping heads to the check-out.  Mother and daughter’s argument and accompanying tantrum can be heard long after they have left the store.

 

I wonder when these preschoolers will be able to operate a motor vehicle safely.  Right now they are learning just what they need to be dangerous drivers.  They are learning to disobey.  We are constantly teaching them about disobedience.  By the ripe old age of six the children in the above stories will have learned almost all they need to know about disobeying authority:

            1.  People in authority don’t mean what they say.

            2.  If they tell you to obey you don’t really have to.

            3.  If you don’t obey you will probably get what you want anyway.

4.  People in authority don’t really want to do their job; other things are more important to them than your obedience.

5.   If you complain loudly enough about the limits placed on you, you may sometimes be rewarded.

6.  Parents have no real authority and your opinion is as valid as theirs.

7.  Disobedience has no consequences.

 

Armed with this knowledge and his soon-to-be-acquired god-given right to be an irresponsible, hormone-driven teen, your tot is ready for the open roads behind the wheel of a three-thousand pound weapon of destruction.

 

But, they are only little kids!  Over the years I have spent lots of time with children who are expected to obey.  They are happy and emotionally healthy.  They accept limits as a part of life and are not sad or resentful.  Little kids can learn about obedience. It is never too early to teach a child that you mean what you say.  Start at home, not at Wal-Mart.  First you tell the child what you want him to do.  Then you expect compliance with what you say.  In fact, nothing else happens until he does comply. Then you follow your words with appropriate guidance and consequences.  Last, repeat these three steps daily until he is old enough to earn a living and move out of your house. 

 

Sound like a lot of work? If you knew this might save your child’s life wouldn’t it be worth it?

Hiding Sin in Circumstances

The Pleasures and Perils of Teaching

 

“It’s a very ancient saying, but a true and honest thought, that if you become a teacher, by your pupils you’ll be taught.” (The King and I)

 

 “Not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly.”  (James 3:1 NIV)

 

When I prepare to teach I know that a test is coming on my own life.  God will not allow me to teach stale material, lacking fresh humility.  As I listened to my class last night, I became aware of my own sins in the area of rudeness and disrespect to my husband.  He has recently begun to work from home and I have found his intrusion into my life unsettling.  He has the habit of surrounding himself with sound.  As he moves from room to room the noise goes with him, one TV after another, a discordant stereophonic symphony.  It is not the sounds of mindless music, or even recycled sitcoms, that surround him.  It is endless "the-sky-is-falling" political commentary spoken with urgency out of dark-suited talking heads, experts of every ilk and inclination, beginning every sentence with “I think”. 

 

I chose to allow this atmosphere of surround-sound soup to be my excuse for being terse, rude, and unkind to my husband, assuming that he would somehow know how disturbing his habit was to me. Then, I taught my Wives class.  As I prayed my way home last night, I knew that God was not pleased.  I repented and waited for the “God” moment.  Feeling the release, that sense of peace that God had heard my cries, I waited until this morning and asked my husband if we could talk. God had prepared the way, and my husband listened patiently as I asked his forgiveness and explained my situation. (He even put off a business call so that I could finish!)  He promised to more carefully observe my “Monday’s Off” rule (our weekends are grueling).  He also agreed that I could work in my office space in the bedroom and he would use his laptop in the back room recently vacated by my mother-in-law.  We can close two doors between us. 

 

Not all issues are that easy to resolve, but we will all answer for our behavior, now, and at the time of judgment.  Circumstances are not an excuse.  How easy it is to hide our sins behind them.  It is like a child covering his eyes with his hands and believing no one can see him.