FORGIVENESS

Who, Me?  Love Them?!

 

Since many of us take a personal inventory at this time of year let us consider some very special people in our lives. We all have them -- people who test the limits of our patience or cause us emotional wounds.  Some of them are those who are the very closest to us.  We have to deal with them every day and yet it never seems to get any easier.  Jesus commands that we love them and we really try but our scars from these struggles are hard to ignore.  These are the people we are called to love and forgive.

 

When faced with seemingly impossible tasks it sometimes helps to see how the Lord provided for such circumstances.  No matter how it looks, He did not leave us defenseless. Careful study of the scriptures reveals God’s plan for loving difficult people. For clarity  we will now call this person your “neighbor”.  The plan looks something like this:

1.    Confess.  Ask God to forgive you for all the unloving thoughts and attitudes you have toward your neighbor. Ask forgiveness for gossiping about him and determine in you heart not to describe your hurts to others.  Confess as sin all thoughts and acts of revenge.  Do not excuse any of your sins on the basis of your neighbor’s behavior.

2.    Forgive.  Think of this as putting out the trash.  All the hurtful events of the past have been collected and stored in your memory.  There they have gained strength like bacteria enclosed in a petrii dish.  We empower them further when we rehearse the grievance in our minds and retell the tale. Resist the urge to store this putrid material in your living space.  To maintain a healthy environment the garbage must be put out every day.  Search out and destroy all thoughts of revenge.

3.    Pray.  Seek the Lord about your neighbor.  Ask Him to give you a glimpse of how He sees this person.  Ask for a portion of the love He has for him. Often He will reveal to you a need you did not know your neighbor had. This will give you an opportunity to serve your loved one in a meaningful way. 

4.    Forgive again. Even though we know better, we often put a limit on the number of times we intend to forgive someone.  Those we love should be able to count on our forgiveness.  That is best accomplished by deciding ahead of time that you will forgive any new wrong committed against you.  That runs counter to the “last straw” philosophy that we learn from our culture.  This perpetual forgiveness amounts to keeping the pipes clean through which the love is to flow.

5.     Serve.  Find a special way to meet a need for your neighbor.  Minister to him in a way that brings healing.  Usually, it helps to do something physical and tangible.  Don’t look for the easy way   out. This kind of service should cost you something. Use your time, your energy, and your resources to perform this task.  Bake him a cake, shop for a special gift, or make one, prepare a surprise.  If the pipes have been cleaned of unforgiveness, you will begin to feel a twinge of happiness and gratitude as you prepare to care for another.

6.    Pray more and more.  Pray diligently everyday for your neighbor’s well being.  Pray for the success of his ventures, for his health and safety, for his financial or personal needs to be met, for his goals to be accomplished.  It is difficult to continue to feel angry toward someone you pray for every day. 

7.    Release.  Release your neighbor to God.  Do not spend hours thinking about how he needs to change and what the change would mean in your life.  Leave to God the job of changing him and the job of protecting you.

 

The most important change that takes place in this process takes place in you.  The Lord can begin to heal your wounds and repair youattitudes.  Youbecome a clear channel through which the love of God can flow.  Your relationship may improve.  It may not.  But you will have been faithful to the biblical requirement: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Rom.12:18 NIV)

 

MENTAL HEALTH

HELP WANTED!

"If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. (John14:16 NIV)

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But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. (John 14:26 NIV)

 

 

Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God,

(1John 4:1 NIV)

 

I am often asked by Christians about seeking professional help with marriage, family, or other emotional issues.  I won’t enter here the Christian-verses-secular counseling debate.  However, we will want to avoid helpers who are hostile to our faith or who view our commitment to Christ as part of or cause of our “problem”,  If help has been recommended or seems appropriate we will be able to make the most of our counseling or therapy experience if we are aware of our unique position as a Christian seeking help.  Christ, our redeemer has left us the Counselor and Comforter.  Even as we seek the counsel of men we must remember that we are uniquely equipped for the battle in which we are engaged.

 

1)  Recognize the role of the Holy Spirit.  Pray that the Holy Spirit will guide the      professional who helps you, as you would for the physician or dentist who cares for you.  This is most important because it prevents the mistakes that are likely to happen if we see the counselor as being responsible for change during the counseling process.  Pray that the Holy Spirit will take charge and that the counselor will merely be the agent through whom the Spirit chooses to work.  All glory must go to “the author and finisher of our faith.”

2)  Read Scripture.  Our greatest asset is the unerring Word of God which instructs and cautions us as we deal with troubles.  Do not rely solely on the wisdom and knowledge of the counselor when confronting complex issues. The Spirit will guide us to the stories, admonitions, and instructions for our situation.  Reread and memorize verses that offer healing, comfort, and instruction.  We are empowered by the sword of the Spirit with which we may confront the world, the flesh and the devil. 

3)  Understand the role of sin.  Recognizing the sin factor in the problems of the body of Christ helps both counselor and counselee.  Each person must      ultimately accept responsibility for his own sin.  Our way out of this difficulty is to focus only on our role in our circumstances.  We must not attempt to transfer our responsibility to the counselor.  The ultimate solution is also ours.  Most humans so consistently search for someone to blame that we ignore individual responsibility.  This hinders our ability to make progress in finding solutions.

 

Professional help, when needed, can be used by God to promote healing and restoration in situations where the way out is not clear to us.  Emotional problems are not a sign of weakness.  It is often wise to see your physician or pediatrician for help to determine the proper intervention.  Some emotional problems have physical roots.  Sometimes medications or hormonal changes can cause disturbing symptoms.  We should not avoid seeking help or hope it will pass without investigation.  (As a school counselor I once alerted parents to a change in their child’s behavior.  They investigated only to find that their child’s medications were causing a negative interaction.)   Pray for wisdom in this process. Do not be discouraged.  Lasting change may take time.

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:4-6 NIV)