If I mention that I feel cold my husband adjusts the thermostat. If I say I need something from the store he puts his shoes on and stands up. If he loses something in the house I look for it. If he wants to go check out some new exhibit or restaurant I put my shoes on and stand up. When he drives me to meetings he is not attending I say “thank you”. When I hang out with him at games and car shows he says ‘thank you”. He bathes my Dad. I keep his Mom looking neat and pretty.
I keep the snacks he likes in the pantry within easy reach. I replenish the jelly beans and applesauce even though I do not eat them. He brings me home my favorite salad, empties the dishwasher and shines my shoes.
I remember that he would prefer to help with chores on his schedule rather than on mine, and I try to be patient with that kind of irritation and inconvenience. He tries to be patient with me when I inevitably go back for one last thing when he is ready to walk out the door.
We don’t keep score in any of this or notice when the other misses the mark. Neither of us is motivated by the reciprocal behavior of the other. Our motivation after fifty years is to keep from growing inward, separating into two that which God intended to be one. We fight against the natural tendency to live for self. We choose to die a little every day so that we each may remain fully alive.
Tina Green, 2011
