When he needs you the most
Picture this scene: A speeding truck hits a man in an intersection. He lies badly injured while the truck speeds on, hitting and injuring his wife in the next block. Each partner lies helpless in the street wondering why the other has not come to offer comfort or care.
This is the emotional condition of many married couples. The scene is complicated because marital wounds are undetectable to the naked eye. Each partner believed the other was fine while they suffered. Months and years later they may still harbor the feeling that the other could or should have done something to help. This kind of bitterness and unforgiveness can eventually destroy a relationship.
For instance, when a wife is disappointed she rarely realizes how painful it is for her husband to disappoint her. He may have done something thoughtless, or stupid, or even destructive. He knows she is wounded but he cannot fix it. She is not consoled by his admissions and apologies so he feels helpless. There is no one to comfort him. He wants to go to her for comfort but she pulls away, so he pulls away. She reads his attitude as cold and uncaring.
Ladies, my husband says when a man disappoints his wife is when he needs her the most. This is an excruciating demonstration of the one flesh concept. It would be good if partners could change places and feel the other’s pain. Then the need for patience and forgiveness would be obvious.
I would love to know what you readers think of this.
Tina Green, 2011
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
The Delight of His Eyes
The Delight of His Eyes
My husband and I, aglow from the recent celebration of our Golden Anniversary, slid into our seats at church next to a couple who have been married fifty-six years. We greeted them and as the service continued I was aware of their interactions. He held the bible for her as they read and adjusted her wrap when she was chilly. Once he whispered in her ear and she giggled softly. As we stood in prayer and I laced my fingers into my husband’s I could see they, too, were holding hands. Later they stood together beaming as they greeted members of their large, lovely family. I have seen this stately gentleman open her car door, smiling at his pretty little wife as though they met last week.
God has placed within man the ability to love his wife as his own body, to esteem her more highly than himself. Sometimes we see this remarkably demonstrated, like when two men covered their wives with their own bodies during the Gifford shooting rampage. God called Ezekiel’s wife “the delight of your eyes.”
Clearly some men show no inclination whatsoever to open car doors, and it isn’t easy to sit there waiting for your husband to do something you are capable of doing for yourself. But if he is so inclined the wait is a small sacrifice. What a sad thing it would be if women, in their desire for equality, were to deprive husbands of the opportunity to be what God intended, our cover, protector, defender, lover, and friend.
My husband and I, aglow from the recent celebration of our Golden Anniversary, slid into our seats at church next to a couple who have been married fifty-six years. We greeted them and as the service continued I was aware of their interactions. He held the bible for her as they read and adjusted her wrap when she was chilly. Once he whispered in her ear and she giggled softly. As we stood in prayer and I laced my fingers into my husband’s I could see they, too, were holding hands. Later they stood together beaming as they greeted members of their large, lovely family. I have seen this stately gentleman open her car door, smiling at his pretty little wife as though they met last week.
God has placed within man the ability to love his wife as his own body, to esteem her more highly than himself. Sometimes we see this remarkably demonstrated, like when two men covered their wives with their own bodies during the Gifford shooting rampage. God called Ezekiel’s wife “the delight of your eyes.”
Clearly some men show no inclination whatsoever to open car doors, and it isn’t easy to sit there waiting for your husband to do something you are capable of doing for yourself. But if he is so inclined the wait is a small sacrifice. What a sad thing it would be if women, in their desire for equality, were to deprive husbands of the opportunity to be what God intended, our cover, protector, defender, lover, and friend.
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Warring in the Spirit, 2 -- When Bad Things Happen
When Bad Things Happen . . . .
Sometimes, out of nowhere, things happen that you cannot understand. The pain, the loss, the suffering make no sense. You begin to wonder how you ended up in this place. I recently found myself on the sidelines while two friends, and a grandchild went though such experiences. We should find reassurance in Scripture:
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, [he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)
But how are we to respond? I have learned that it is important to remember that our Father who will allow these calamities will use them to build the man or woman he designed us to be. Modern Christianity often ignores the role of struggles in our lives. Since we are not taught much about our spiritual battles we can fall prey to trespassing spirits (messengers of Satan) who take advantage of this time to torment us. They try to convince us that God is not with us, that we are alone and better plan to guard or protect ourselves.
This can lead to all kinds of sins and errors, committed under the temptation to trust our own devices. As we seek God’s comfort we must also guard our hearts against these lying spirits. We can decide to be resentful, depressed, angry, fearful, or reckless if we forget there is a plan. I pray that my loved ones who are tested now will not make any change that cannot be biblically defended. All thoughts, attitudes and actions we make in our efforts to escape or avoid pain must be able to pass the test. We must rely on the weapons of warfare the Lord has provided.
Sometimes, out of nowhere, things happen that you cannot understand. The pain, the loss, the suffering make no sense. You begin to wonder how you ended up in this place. I recently found myself on the sidelines while two friends, and a grandchild went though such experiences. We should find reassurance in Scripture:
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, [he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)
But how are we to respond? I have learned that it is important to remember that our Father who will allow these calamities will use them to build the man or woman he designed us to be. Modern Christianity often ignores the role of struggles in our lives. Since we are not taught much about our spiritual battles we can fall prey to trespassing spirits (messengers of Satan) who take advantage of this time to torment us. They try to convince us that God is not with us, that we are alone and better plan to guard or protect ourselves.
This can lead to all kinds of sins and errors, committed under the temptation to trust our own devices. As we seek God’s comfort we must also guard our hearts against these lying spirits. We can decide to be resentful, depressed, angry, fearful, or reckless if we forget there is a plan. I pray that my loved ones who are tested now will not make any change that cannot be biblically defended. All thoughts, attitudes and actions we make in our efforts to escape or avoid pain must be able to pass the test. We must rely on the weapons of warfare the Lord has provided.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Early One Morning
Sometimes we comfort ourselves, finding solace when we slip into unbiblical attitudes and behavior. I was thinking about this one day as I considered what I would do differently if I had only one month to live. How easy it is to think that my current trial, whatever it may be, gives me an “out”, an excuse, from the Word's instructions. But we have an example. I remembered this little clip from an article I wrote several years ago. I just thought I would pass it on again.
Early one morning, after a particularly difficult week and a challenging weekend, Jesus went to visit some friends. These friends had just recently abandoned his cause, and one had even denied knowing him. But, that morning they had been up working most of the night. Recognizing that they were hungry and discouraged, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, God Incarnate, King of kings, Lord of lords, the Lamb of God who was tortured, bled and died for the sins of the whole world, the Risen Savior. . , . . . .
. . COOKED BREAKFAST. (John 21:1-13)
Early one morning, after a particularly difficult week and a challenging weekend, Jesus went to visit some friends. These friends had just recently abandoned his cause, and one had even denied knowing him. But, that morning they had been up working most of the night. Recognizing that they were hungry and discouraged, Jesus Christ, the Son of God, God Incarnate, King of kings, Lord of lords, the Lamb of God who was tortured, bled and died for the sins of the whole world, the Risen Savior. . , . . . .
. . COOKED BREAKFAST. (John 21:1-13)
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Dead Leaves
Each year before you can restore your garden you must remove the dead leaves. What would happen if you failed to do this for several years in a row? The dead leaves would make a blanket over your garden that would prevent the sun from reaching your new growth and the entire area would become barren, fit for only the hardiest of weeds and wild plants.
A few years ago I met a couple who had not removed the dead leaves from their thirty year marriage in a very long time. I am convinced they loved each other, but they could not communicate their love to one another. How sad it was to see the dryness and lack of sunshine in their truly committed relationship. Failure to remove the dead leaves of hurt, disappointments and misunderstandings had lead to a barrenness that was hard to understand.
The Word says that God’s compassions (grace) are renewed every morning. Even He doesn’t believe yesterday’s grace is sufficient for today. Have you used some of your quiet time to pull out an old wound and wrap it with new grace? Have your discarded useless peeves and irritations, collected slights and cold, left-ever grievances? Using your together time to express forgiveness can make room for new memories. Often we find we have spent our energy cultivating, watering, and nourishing WEEDS. Couples who do this can find themselves living in the same space, but not “together.” The couple mentioned above found a better way. Christian counseling helped.
Clear out the dead leaves and make room for the garden God wants to plant in your life.
©Tina Green 2011
A few years ago I met a couple who had not removed the dead leaves from their thirty year marriage in a very long time. I am convinced they loved each other, but they could not communicate their love to one another. How sad it was to see the dryness and lack of sunshine in their truly committed relationship. Failure to remove the dead leaves of hurt, disappointments and misunderstandings had lead to a barrenness that was hard to understand.
The Word says that God’s compassions (grace) are renewed every morning. Even He doesn’t believe yesterday’s grace is sufficient for today. Have you used some of your quiet time to pull out an old wound and wrap it with new grace? Have your discarded useless peeves and irritations, collected slights and cold, left-ever grievances? Using your together time to express forgiveness can make room for new memories. Often we find we have spent our energy cultivating, watering, and nourishing WEEDS. Couples who do this can find themselves living in the same space, but not “together.” The couple mentioned above found a better way. Christian counseling helped.
Clear out the dead leaves and make room for the garden God wants to plant in your life.
©Tina Green 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Two Become One
If I mention that I feel cold my husband adjusts the thermostat. If I say I need something from the store he puts his shoes on and stands up. If he loses something in the house I look for it. If he wants to go check out some new exhibit or restaurant I put my shoes on and stand up. When he drives me to meetings he is not attending I say “thank you”. When I hang out with him at games and car shows he says ‘thank you”. He bathes my Dad. I keep his Mom looking neat and pretty.
I keep the snacks he likes in the pantry within easy reach. I replenish the jelly beans and applesauce even though I do not eat them. He brings me home my favorite salad, empties the dishwasher and shines my shoes.
I remember that he would prefer to help with chores on his schedule rather than on mine, and I try to be patient with that kind of irritation and inconvenience. He tries to be patient with me when I inevitably go back for one last thing when he is ready to walk out the door.
We don’t keep score in any of this or notice when the other misses the mark. Neither of us is motivated by the reciprocal behavior of the other. Our motivation after fifty years is to keep from growing inward, separating into two that which God intended to be one. We fight against the natural tendency to live for self. We choose to die a little every day so that we each may remain fully alive.
Tina Green, 2011
I keep the snacks he likes in the pantry within easy reach. I replenish the jelly beans and applesauce even though I do not eat them. He brings me home my favorite salad, empties the dishwasher and shines my shoes.
I remember that he would prefer to help with chores on his schedule rather than on mine, and I try to be patient with that kind of irritation and inconvenience. He tries to be patient with me when I inevitably go back for one last thing when he is ready to walk out the door.
We don’t keep score in any of this or notice when the other misses the mark. Neither of us is motivated by the reciprocal behavior of the other. Our motivation after fifty years is to keep from growing inward, separating into two that which God intended to be one. We fight against the natural tendency to live for self. We choose to die a little every day so that we each may remain fully alive.
Tina Green, 2011
Friday, April 29, 2011
Just for Me
After years of negative input, much of it from our own internal voices, it is difficult for some of us to believe that we have any value in God’s sight. In case I might forget I get reminded once a month.
This happened the first time soon after I gave my life to Christ. I was seated in a darkened corner of the sanctuary one Sunday morning. The elements for communion had been passed out and the congregation was praying over them quietly. As I held the bread and grape juice in my hands I prayed a prayer of Thanksgiving that the Lord had rescued us sinners from the world’s view of our existence. A small, firm voice whispered into my spirit, saying, “I would have done it if you had been the only one.” I sat there for a moment not fully comprehending. The voice spoke again. “I would have died if you had been the only one.” At that moment I was overwhelmed by a sense of peace and love, too wonderful to express or understand. Tears of joy ran down my face and for the first time in my life I felt fully loved and accepted, just as I was.
My worth is no longer in question. Each time I hold the communion elements in my hands my heart is blessed. I am reminded, “He did not just die, he did it for me!”
©Tina Green, 2007
This happened the first time soon after I gave my life to Christ. I was seated in a darkened corner of the sanctuary one Sunday morning. The elements for communion had been passed out and the congregation was praying over them quietly. As I held the bread and grape juice in my hands I prayed a prayer of Thanksgiving that the Lord had rescued us sinners from the world’s view of our existence. A small, firm voice whispered into my spirit, saying, “I would have done it if you had been the only one.” I sat there for a moment not fully comprehending. The voice spoke again. “I would have died if you had been the only one.” At that moment I was overwhelmed by a sense of peace and love, too wonderful to express or understand. Tears of joy ran down my face and for the first time in my life I felt fully loved and accepted, just as I was.
My worth is no longer in question. Each time I hold the communion elements in my hands my heart is blessed. I am reminded, “He did not just die, he did it for me!”
©Tina Green, 2007
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Time to Get Serious I
Time to Get Serious (Pt.1)
It is time for Christian women to get serious about marriage. We need to stop playing the “I will if he will” game and seriously take on the tasks God has placed in our hands. As the world plans its future assaults on marriage, we Christian wives cannot focus solely on what makes us feel better and what makes our lives easier.
As Christians who are married we will have to begin defending marriage and demonstrating its purpose in the Kingdom so that others may see it. Being married is part of our witness, part of our evangelism, part of our discipleship to others. Staying married, not divorcing, in some legalistic conformance to biblical law will not be enough to convince a world that hates biblical marriage.
We must get serious while there is time.
It is time for Christian women to get serious about marriage. We need to stop playing the “I will if he will” game and seriously take on the tasks God has placed in our hands. As the world plans its future assaults on marriage, we Christian wives cannot focus solely on what makes us feel better and what makes our lives easier.
As Christians who are married we will have to begin defending marriage and demonstrating its purpose in the Kingdom so that others may see it. Being married is part of our witness, part of our evangelism, part of our discipleship to others. Staying married, not divorcing, in some legalistic conformance to biblical law will not be enough to convince a world that hates biblical marriage.
We must get serious while there is time.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Showing Hospitality
To my readers: This dear lady passed away peacefully in her sleep this week at the age of 102. And, I will miss her.
Showing Hospitality
And she must have a reputation for good deeds, as one who has brought up children, who has practiced hospitality to strangers . . . 1 Timothy 5:9 (Amplified Bible)
Dear friend, when you extend hospitality to Christian brothers and sisters, even when they are strangers, you make the faith visible. 3 John 1:5 (The Message)
I was quite young when I met my husband (a freshman in college). The first time I was invited to dinner in his home I found myself trapped in the small living room while he and some friends who dropped by shared “war stories”. After enduring this for a while I ventured into the kitchen where his mother was working on dinner preparations. I nervously asked if there was anything I could do to help. Instead of dismissing me she turned from the refrigerator and handed m a small jar of green olives. She directed me to a cupboard where I would find a small crystal bowl to put them in. I washed my hands and scooped the olives into the dish. Then I sliced some gherkins intended for the salad. We chatted pleasantly as we worked. We did not know that we would share many other chores over the next five decades but we were off to a very good start. I often wonder what I would have done if she had sent me back to the living room that day. I think of her act of understanding and kindness whenever I hear the word: hospitality.
We are instructed in scripture to practice hospitality as part of our Christian witness, but the term it is rarely defined. I believe it is those small thoughtful acts of kindness designed to help another person feel “at home” in your home. It is due to strangers as well as to the brethren. In this modern cautious age it is often as difficult to receive hospitality as it is to offer it. We must be mindful of opportunities to do both.
©Tina Green 2008
Showing Hospitality
And she must have a reputation for good deeds, as one who has brought up children, who has practiced hospitality to strangers . . . 1 Timothy 5:9 (Amplified Bible)
Dear friend, when you extend hospitality to Christian brothers and sisters, even when they are strangers, you make the faith visible. 3 John 1:5 (The Message)
I was quite young when I met my husband (a freshman in college). The first time I was invited to dinner in his home I found myself trapped in the small living room while he and some friends who dropped by shared “war stories”. After enduring this for a while I ventured into the kitchen where his mother was working on dinner preparations. I nervously asked if there was anything I could do to help. Instead of dismissing me she turned from the refrigerator and handed m a small jar of green olives. She directed me to a cupboard where I would find a small crystal bowl to put them in. I washed my hands and scooped the olives into the dish. Then I sliced some gherkins intended for the salad. We chatted pleasantly as we worked. We did not know that we would share many other chores over the next five decades but we were off to a very good start. I often wonder what I would have done if she had sent me back to the living room that day. I think of her act of understanding and kindness whenever I hear the word: hospitality.
We are instructed in scripture to practice hospitality as part of our Christian witness, but the term it is rarely defined. I believe it is those small thoughtful acts of kindness designed to help another person feel “at home” in your home. It is due to strangers as well as to the brethren. In this modern cautious age it is often as difficult to receive hospitality as it is to offer it. We must be mindful of opportunities to do both.
©Tina Green 2008
Friday, February 11, 2011
World Rules
Ignore the Gift Police
Whether or not he gets it right, just say, “thank you”.
Long considered a fun holiday for expressing affection, Valentine’s Day has fallen into the clutches of the dreaded “gift police”. They are telling men and women that only certain types of expressions of love are acceptable on this holiday. Others are definitely unacceptable. Men seem to be the targets of these self-appointed arbiters of appropriateness. Granted, many men are clueless when it comes to gift giving. Most of them did not grow up shopping. And, some men are actually careless and insensitive.
My concern is that Christian women not follow the women of the world by condemning their men for the gifts they give. If your husband brings a gift, he should not be afraid that you will be unhappy because he chose something the “gift police” have labeled “unromantic”. Sometimes a man’s only clue as to what to buy comes from the wishes you express in your daily life. If you have mentioned on several occasions that you need a new vacuum cleaner, he may think that is the best gift for the occasion. It will last a lot longer than roses, and be more appreciated in the long run. “Romantic” gifts sometimes threaten an already ailing budget, increasing stress for both of you in the weeks to come.
Often the best gifts cost very little. Would a gift measured in carats ever replace having your husband take the children out for an afternoon so that you can rest or visit a friend? Would it replace having him hold you when you are discouraged? Would it work for you if you received the sparkles and then were neglected for the next eleven months? Let us be sure that a spirit of ingratitude doesn’t threaten the peace we strive for in our hearts and homes. If you get no gift at all, be thankful to God and to your husband that the lights came on when you flicked the switch and the house was warm when you woke up.
Don’t misunderstand me. If I were writing to men, I would tell them to try to give the most beautiful, sensitive, romantic love offering they can find (and afford). But, I am writing to Christian women. Oppose the pressures of the world’s standards as you strive to live a life pleasing to God. Whether or not he gets it right, just say “thank you”.
©Tina Green 2007
Whether or not he gets it right, just say, “thank you”.
Long considered a fun holiday for expressing affection, Valentine’s Day has fallen into the clutches of the dreaded “gift police”. They are telling men and women that only certain types of expressions of love are acceptable on this holiday. Others are definitely unacceptable. Men seem to be the targets of these self-appointed arbiters of appropriateness. Granted, many men are clueless when it comes to gift giving. Most of them did not grow up shopping. And, some men are actually careless and insensitive.
My concern is that Christian women not follow the women of the world by condemning their men for the gifts they give. If your husband brings a gift, he should not be afraid that you will be unhappy because he chose something the “gift police” have labeled “unromantic”. Sometimes a man’s only clue as to what to buy comes from the wishes you express in your daily life. If you have mentioned on several occasions that you need a new vacuum cleaner, he may think that is the best gift for the occasion. It will last a lot longer than roses, and be more appreciated in the long run. “Romantic” gifts sometimes threaten an already ailing budget, increasing stress for both of you in the weeks to come.
Often the best gifts cost very little. Would a gift measured in carats ever replace having your husband take the children out for an afternoon so that you can rest or visit a friend? Would it replace having him hold you when you are discouraged? Would it work for you if you received the sparkles and then were neglected for the next eleven months? Let us be sure that a spirit of ingratitude doesn’t threaten the peace we strive for in our hearts and homes. If you get no gift at all, be thankful to God and to your husband that the lights came on when you flicked the switch and the house was warm when you woke up.
Don’t misunderstand me. If I were writing to men, I would tell them to try to give the most beautiful, sensitive, romantic love offering they can find (and afford). But, I am writing to Christian women. Oppose the pressures of the world’s standards as you strive to live a life pleasing to God. Whether or not he gets it right, just say “thank you”.
©Tina Green 2007
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
What Does it Really Say?
True Love: A Real Valentine
A couples group was asked to read several versions of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. The versions used were NIV, KJ, NKJ, AMPL, TLB, New English, and The Message. The group was asked to list what a true lover will do and what a true lover will not do. When the project was completed couples were asked to insert their loved one’s name and read it to their partner. This is their finished product.
Because I love you, ________, I will never give up on you. I will not envy you or become jealous of you. I will not boast about what I have done for you. I will not be proud or haughty. I will not try to draw attention to myself at your expense. I will not be conceited, arrogant, prideful, or rude. It will not always be “Me, first”. I will not insist on my rights or on having my own way. I will not be self-seeking. I will not be touchy, resentful, or fretful. I will not recount evil you have committed against me. I will not hold grudges or keep track of the wrongs I have suffered. I will not become easily angered or frustrated. I will not want more from you than you can give. I will not force my wishes upon you.
Because I love you, _______, I will be patient with you and kind to you. I will rejoice in the truth about you. I will protect you and trust you. I will always be hopeful about you and my hope will endure under all circumstances. I will persevere. I will endure and bear up under anything and everything that comes our way without weakening. I will ever be ready to believe the best about you. You can trust me. I will always want what is best for you. My love will never fade or become obsolete. My love for you will never end.
How about sending (or reading) this to your loved one on Valentines Day?
©Tina Green 2/2008
A couples group was asked to read several versions of 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. The versions used were NIV, KJ, NKJ, AMPL, TLB, New English, and The Message. The group was asked to list what a true lover will do and what a true lover will not do. When the project was completed couples were asked to insert their loved one’s name and read it to their partner. This is their finished product.
Because I love you, ________, I will never give up on you. I will not envy you or become jealous of you. I will not boast about what I have done for you. I will not be proud or haughty. I will not try to draw attention to myself at your expense. I will not be conceited, arrogant, prideful, or rude. It will not always be “Me, first”. I will not insist on my rights or on having my own way. I will not be self-seeking. I will not be touchy, resentful, or fretful. I will not recount evil you have committed against me. I will not hold grudges or keep track of the wrongs I have suffered. I will not become easily angered or frustrated. I will not want more from you than you can give. I will not force my wishes upon you.
Because I love you, _______, I will be patient with you and kind to you. I will rejoice in the truth about you. I will protect you and trust you. I will always be hopeful about you and my hope will endure under all circumstances. I will persevere. I will endure and bear up under anything and everything that comes our way without weakening. I will ever be ready to believe the best about you. You can trust me. I will always want what is best for you. My love will never fade or become obsolete. My love for you will never end.
How about sending (or reading) this to your loved one on Valentines Day?
©Tina Green 2/2008
Friday, January 28, 2011
Riding a Bike
Bicycle Built for Two
Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3 KJV
Can two walk together, except they be agreed? Amos 3:3 KJV
A few years ago my husband and I bought a tandem bike - a bicycle built for two. It has two sets of pedals and two pairs of handle bars, even two sets of brakes. It may be built for two and powered by two but only one can determine the direction it will go. With my husband in the front I had to yield my will and my point of view to his. First of all he was the only one with a clear view of where we were heading. Secondly, safe travel required that, even if I thought he was going wrong, leaning my body in the opposite direction could lead to disaster for us both. Right or wrong I could not decide to go another way. We could, of course, stop the bike and discuss our course, but once we were in motion the rider in front must be the only one to choose the direction we would travel.
It is not so different on the wild ride of marriage. There are times when a course change can be more dangerous than continuing to travel together until it is safe to stop and reassess. I often see wives leaning hard in the opposite direction of their husbands in hopes of making a mid-course correction. This is especially dangerous when dealing with children. We don’t understand our children nearly as well as they understand us. When parents disagree, they see chaos. They fear no one is in charge, that things will soon fly out of control and their safety is compromised.
The tandem bike also requires a concentration of energy. When the rider in the rear does not contribute to the effort the front rider is at a disadvantage. He must expend more energy and accept that he will cover less ground if he is pedaling for two. Success requires the complete commitment of each rider. A wife who fears her husband has made a bad choice may think the solution is to withdraw support. Rather than lend her help she will sabotage his efforts. In her attempt to lead from the rear seat she may even apply her brakes. This dangerous decision puts them both at risk. Her husband may respond in anger and frustration as he tries to salvage the situation. It will rarely result in the resolution the wife had hoped for. Submitting to the leader is one of the ways biblical wives learn to trust -- in God.
In marriage as in tandem bike riding it is usually best to follow the leader, lean in on the turns, and keep peddling.
It is not so different on the wild ride of marriage. There are times when a course change can be more dangerous than continuing to travel together until it is safe to stop and reassess. I often see wives leaning hard in the opposite direction of their husbands in hopes of making a mid-course correction. This is especially dangerous when dealing with children. We don’t understand our children nearly as well as they understand us. When parents disagree, they see chaos. They fear no one is in charge, that things will soon fly out of control and their safety is compromised.
The tandem bike also requires a concentration of energy. When the rider in the rear does not contribute to the effort the front rider is at a disadvantage. He must expend more energy and accept that he will cover less ground if he is pedaling for two. Success requires the complete commitment of each rider. A wife who fears her husband has made a bad choice may think the solution is to withdraw support. Rather than lend her help she will sabotage his efforts. In her attempt to lead from the rear seat she may even apply her brakes. This dangerous decision puts them both at risk. Her husband may respond in anger and frustration as he tries to salvage the situation. It will rarely result in the resolution the wife had hoped for. Submitting to the leader is one of the ways biblical wives learn to trust -- in God.
In marriage as in tandem bike riding it is usually best to follow the leader, lean in on the turns, and keep peddling.
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