PERSONAL WALK

Handled with Care

The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone.

I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18 NIV

 

In the store the other day I watched a woman carefully and diligently securing her two young children in the shopping cart.  Out of the blue I believe I saw husbands as God sees them -- needing a woman’s diligent love and care in order to safely grow into the place God has for them. 

 

There was nothing in this revelation that suggested that men were children; just that they need special care and handling in order to reach the potential God has placed in each of them.  This may not sit well with your view of your role as a wife, but I suddenly felt the urge to re-invest in my commitment to my husband to keep watch over him and care for him as though he had been placed in my life for that purpose.

PERSONAL WALK

He Watches

Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.” Psalm 127:1(NIV)

 

I cringe when I learn of the wounds inflicted on woman by various religious cults and doctrines.  Many of us have been born into these false structures and innocently bear the pain of the consequences of flawed teachings.  We have watched our loved ones being devoured by the lies of ravening wolves.   And, the vain philosophies of the world have served us no better. 

 

Even after we learn the truth, it is not easy to accept it and to fully submit our lives to Christ.  The horrors of the past and fear of future exploitation cause us to view with skepticism the very truth of the scriptures which can free us. 

 

And yet we cannot protect ourselves.  While we are looking to the right satan attacks from the left.  Our self-fashioned defenses and weapons (we all have them) are used against us to our destruction, for the Word says: “Unless the LORD builds thehouse, its builders labor in vain. Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain.” Psalm 127:1(NIV)

 

When we committed to be married we committed to doing it God’s way.  Though we are often consumed with fear, though we see the carnage of destroyed and destructive marriages all around us, we must choose God’s way.  We must submit to his providence and protection as we trust in his Word.  No other way will do.

PERSONAL WALK

FALLING IN LOVE

 

God is dealing with me about something and I am in his hands.  He is instructing me about something I thought I already knew.  He is taking me back to some of the basics.  This may sound very elementary to you but I guess I needed a refresher. 

 

You see, something happened this summer that made me look back at the beginning.  What happened is I saw someone fall in love. Just fall.  Passionately, deeply, unequivocally in love - with God!  It was an awesome experience to witness.  I couldn’t get over it and it began to change me. 

 

Now this was not a new convert in the blush of the realization of the grace and mercy of the Almighty.  This was someone who has been walking with God and serving Himfor many years.  That is what made it so remarkable.  Her long-term struggles had made her a little war weary, but she was fighting on.  She cried out for help.  She solicited the prayers of some of the saints and we responded.  She received our help, confessed her weaknesses, and for me that is where the story would have ended.  Except that I saw her a few weeks later and she was not the same.  We talked and it suddenly hit me. “Oh, my goodness!  You’re in Love.”  “I know”, she whispered, “and I just want to do anything He wants me to do – just because I love HIM so much.  I am giving up my right to do things my way.” 

 

You may be wondering what this has to do with me.  Witnessing this miraculous change in a person whose circumstances had not changed, suddenly made some things totally clear.  I know the promise of the commandment to Love God with all your Heart and all your soul and your entire mind.  I know why He commanded it.  That love is the key to many things.  I won’t even pretend that I know them all.  But I know some new ones.  

 

It is not for His sake that we are instructed to return to our first love.  It is not to punish us that God says he will spit us out for being lukewarm.  It was not a desire for noise that caused Him to repeat to the children of Israel who He was, to instruct them to write it on their doorframes and hang it about their necks, but so that their love wouldn’t grow cold.  It is for our sakes, because the blessing lies in that heated, passionate environment where we will do anything to please Him just because we love Him.  How else would we (I) overcome the persistent, pervasive, relentless selfishness - the desire to please ourselves (myself) at the expense of everything else?  How else would we understand the implicit promise that in that love lies the blessings?

Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one.  Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Deut6:4

COMMUNICATIONS V

Culture Wars

                                                                      

Several years ago I participated in an exercise designed to help Christian workers understand the process of bringing the Word of God to a foreign culture.  The first characteristic that was required of a new missionary was humility.  The second attribute was an attitude of submission.  The third was a quality of teachability.  In other words once you had demonstrated respect for who they were, submitted to their lifestyle, and communicated a desire to learn from them, you were ready to attempt to teach, that is, present the Gospel. Sadly, none of these qualities is easily attained; the flesh resists them.

 

I was reminded of this a few weeks ago when the Wives Club was discussing struggles with difficult in-laws.  When we marry each of us is joined to a foreign culture (unless you marry a sibling, which is forbidden in most of the world.)  In order to enter safely and have a chance of being accepted, these same characteristics, humility, submission, and teachability, are essential. 

 

It is amazing how highly God esteems humility and how little regard we who love Him have for it.  In many cultures some form of bow, curtsy, genuflect, or kneeling is expected upon meeting or greeting someone or entering their home.  Bowing indicates respect for the culture and position of the other and submission to the authority of that home.  Americans do not bow on the outside, but, as Christians, we would do well to learn to bow on the inside.  This sacrifice of our position and power to that of another for the sake of love can be the first step to acceptance when meeting new acquaintances or dealing with in-laws.  Failure to do so can lead to rifts that can last a lifetime. 

 

If you put yourself above others, you will be put down. But if you humble yourself, you will be honored.Matthew 23:11-13 CEV

 

Blessed and Highly Favored

(This article was first posted on 5/26/2006)

 

On a recent TV show, lovely young women who aspired to be fashion models were warned, “When you are a top model you are always a top model, not just on the runway or in front of the camera.  There are phone cameras and Polaroid cameras and digital cameas everywhere.  Someone is always watching you.  No matter how you feel, sick or well, happy or sad, rich or broke, you’re a Top Model!!  You have to pay attention to your hair, your make-up and what you wear.  You have to look like a top model, act like a top model, sound like a top model, no matter what!”  This was an interesting notion.   For many centuries royalty around the world trained their children that they were always royalty no matter where they were.  They should always look and act like royalty.  The "crown" must not be embarrassed.

 

In a Wives Club session a few weeks ago we were discussing situations where members were offended, ignored or treated badly by co-workers, employers, relatives and in-laws.  Searching for biblical responses to this kind of suffering, it occurred to me that the rules for models and royal offspring certainly apply to us.  We Christian wives were chosen by the Creator of the Universe, are children of the Most High, a royal priesthood, and heirs with the Prince of Heaven to the throne of God.  No matter where we are, who we are with, or how we feel, our appearance, speech, attitude, and actions reflect that we know we are Christian women, daughters of the King.  We willingly submit to the training required for that position.

 

This is what Peter meant when he reminded wives who we are.  He says, “But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in his steps.” 1Pet. 2:20(b)-21(NIV)

 

“Lord help us to know how to represent you in whatever we suffer. Amen”

 

Ready to Wed

(This article was first posted in Aug 2006)
The One-Flesh Relationship

     For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.
Genesis 2:23-25(NIV)

 

As my husband and I celebrate our Forty-fifth Anniversary I consider again God’s plan for marriage.  It was God’s intention that marriage would be permanent between two people who have a “one-flesh relationship”.  The implication of one flesh is that nothing could be good for only one of them.  By definition, no single person in the marital relationship could consider ‘good’ that which did harm to the other.  The very idea would be silly if we applied it to our understanding of our own bodies.  Imagine doing something good for one part of the body that does damage to another part.  When we are considering a new prescription we immediately want to know the ‘side effects’.  If they are substantial wewant to be sure that the wholebody eventually benefits.  If we cannot foresee in our actions the potential harm to the marital union we must be ready to put things right as soon as we discover it.

 

If God believed this was possible why do we set out to prove Him wrong?  We must remember that his plan only came into question after the Fall when the prince of this world caused men’s (and women’s) hearts to harden toward each other.  Lifelong marriage is possible because God said it is. 

 

Jesus continually makes mention of marriage and the bridegroom so that we can understand that this relationship was designed to work. It is compared to His relationship with the church so that we will know that it can work only when the relationship has God as its center and its focus.  How else would we overcome our persistent, pervasive, relentless selfishness - our desire to please ourselves at the expense of everything else.  We must depend on God as the source of that love that will enable us not only to stay married, but to stay passionately, intimately, and enthusiastically married until death parts us.

Communications IV Fight Right!

Fight Right!

 

In the old Chevy Chase movie, National Lampoon’s European Vacation, Chevy drives his family into a traffic circle in Paris in the morning, and when the stars come out he still hasn’t figured out how to drive out of the circle.  We watch them go around and around and around.  Some of our interactions with loved ones are like that. Something sets off a series of events and then you go round and round and round.  Most families have these patterns. We don’t realize that all of our fights look alike. I call it the Cycle of Interaction.  Below is a familiar scene:

 

Husband and wife, preparing to leave for work.

W.  “Please put Jacob’s sweater on him before you take him to day care.  I think it is going to be chilly at recess time”

H.  “Okay”

W. (on phone) “Did you put his sweater on?” 

H. “Yes I did”

W.  “Are you sure you did it?”

H.; “Yeesss”

W. Which one?

H.  “Look I don’t know which one.  You asked me to do it. I did it.”

W.  I just want to know.  I don’t want my baby to be cold. You know how easily he catches cold!!

H. “You don’t have to ask me a hundred times!  I am not an idiot!  Anyway, you coddle him too much!  That’s why he gets sick all the time!

 W. “How can you say that.  I am the one who is up with him all night.”

EXPLOSION!

 

Many things are at work here.  If the couple examines their pattern they will discover that there are several exits around this cycle on the way to the explosion.  1. Wife specifies which sweater 2. Wife trusts husband to comply with her wishes. 3. Husband recognizes and is sympathetic to his wife’s anxiety; reassures her. 4. Wife understands that her questioning has offended her husband and apologizes. 5. Husband avoids responding with the personal attack on his wife’s mothering ability. 6. Wife, in prayer, places her child in God’s hands since she cannot protect him at all times.

 

There are probably others I have missed, but you get the idea. Try to find the exits yourself with the scene below.

 

H. “You know, we are going to have to watch our expenses for a while.  These gas prices are killing us.”

W. (Not looking up) “Uh-huh”

H.  “We need to tighten our belts”

W. (Not looking up) “Um-humm.”

H. “Do you hear me?  You can’t just keep spending.  We have to stay within the budget. Do you understand?

W. Yeh.

H. “I am trying to talk to you!!”

W. “Why are you shouting. I said “yes.” Why do you always get so upset.”

H.  “I am not getting upset!! You are upsetting me!!!

W. “But I haven’t said anything.  I am not yelling at you.

EXPLOSION!!!!

 

Get it?  Now try it with one of your own family scenes.

For,

"Whoever would love life and see good days
   must keep his tongue from evil
      and his lips from deceitful speech.
       He must turn from evil and do good;
      he must seek peace and pursue it. Peter 3:10-11(NIV)