FORGIVENESS

Who, Me?  Love Them?!

 

Since many of us take a personal inventory at this time of year let us consider some very special people in our lives. We all have them -- people who test the limits of our patience or cause us emotional wounds.  Some of them are those who are the very closest to us.  We have to deal with them every day and yet it never seems to get any easier.  Jesus commands that we love them and we really try but our scars from these struggles are hard to ignore.  These are the people we are called to love and forgive.

 

When faced with seemingly impossible tasks it sometimes helps to see how the Lord provided for such circumstances.  No matter how it looks, He did not leave us defenseless. Careful study of the scriptures reveals God’s plan for loving difficult people. For clarity  we will now call this person your “neighbor”.  The plan looks something like this:

1.    Confess.  Ask God to forgive you for all the unloving thoughts and attitudes you have toward your neighbor. Ask forgiveness for gossiping about him and determine in you heart not to describe your hurts to others.  Confess as sin all thoughts and acts of revenge.  Do not excuse any of your sins on the basis of your neighbor’s behavior.

2.    Forgive.  Think of this as putting out the trash.  All the hurtful events of the past have been collected and stored in your memory.  There they have gained strength like bacteria enclosed in a petrii dish.  We empower them further when we rehearse the grievance in our minds and retell the tale. Resist the urge to store this putrid material in your living space.  To maintain a healthy environment the garbage must be put out every day.  Search out and destroy all thoughts of revenge.

3.    Pray.  Seek the Lord about your neighbor.  Ask Him to give you a glimpse of how He sees this person.  Ask for a portion of the love He has for him. Often He will reveal to you a need you did not know your neighbor had. This will give you an opportunity to serve your loved one in a meaningful way. 

4.    Forgive again. Even though we know better, we often put a limit on the number of times we intend to forgive someone.  Those we love should be able to count on our forgiveness.  That is best accomplished by deciding ahead of time that you will forgive any new wrong committed against you.  That runs counter to the “last straw” philosophy that we learn from our culture.  This perpetual forgiveness amounts to keeping the pipes clean through which the love is to flow.

5.     Serve.  Find a special way to meet a need for your neighbor.  Minister to him in a way that brings healing.  Usually, it helps to do something physical and tangible.  Don’t look for the easy way   out. This kind of service should cost you something. Use your time, your energy, and your resources to perform this task.  Bake him a cake, shop for a special gift, or make one, prepare a surprise.  If the pipes have been cleaned of unforgiveness, you will begin to feel a twinge of happiness and gratitude as you prepare to care for another.

6.    Pray more and more.  Pray diligently everyday for your neighbor’s well being.  Pray for the success of his ventures, for his health and safety, for his financial or personal needs to be met, for his goals to be accomplished.  It is difficult to continue to feel angry toward someone you pray for every day. 

7.    Release.  Release your neighbor to God.  Do not spend hours thinking about how he needs to change and what the change would mean in your life.  Leave to God the job of changing him and the job of protecting you.

 

The most important change that takes place in this process takes place in you.  The Lord can begin to heal your wounds and repair youattitudes.  Youbecome a clear channel through which the love of God can flow.  Your relationship may improve.  It may not.  But you will have been faithful to the biblical requirement: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Rom.12:18 NIV)