PEACE IN THE HOME, Part III

Peace with Your Spouse

 

Often the reason we don’t have peace in our homes is that we have neglected the foundation.  The spiritual foundation of the home is our relationship with Christ.  The physical foundation of the home is the relationship between husband and wife.  This foundation must be reinforced, cherished and protected. The world is in complete confusion about the sanctity of the marital relationship.  God’s people must be clear. 

 

1.                       Make time to be alone.

The family was established on the relationship of man and woman – not parent and child.

The husband-wife relationship should not be threatened by the parent-child relationships.  Don’t feel guilty about leaving your children out of your time together. Children should be taught early that they will sometimes not be included in the time their parents spend together and the conversations they have.  No apologies.  Explain the closed door.  Parents need private time.  It is best to establish this early in your marriage and keep it inviolate.  Marriages, too, suffer when neglected.

2.                       Make time to be together.

Remember: there was a reason you married each other in the first place. 

Couples need replenishment from each other.  Some       couples establish a “date night” to help them remember to spend time together.  Try to be special for your husband with your dress, make-up, hair.  It feels hokey at first, you will get used to it.  Know your husband; do things he likes.  Enjoy your husband! And allow him to enjoy you.  Be a companion - playful, sexy, funny, light-hearted.  This is not time for heavy conversation or decision making.  When you were first married your husband could never get enough of you.  It is easier to keep a fire going than it is to restart one.  Fan the flames as often as possible.  Use the tricks of the trade – candles, food, lingerie, perfume, compliments, poems, flirting – try everything.  And don’t become discouraged; do it as unto the Lord.

3.                       Make sure you are rightly related to your husband.

Families suffer when they are out of order.

Peace is often disturbed when the chain of authority is out of order.  A wife, without realizing it, can usurp her husband’s authority, taking over tasks and decisions that rightly belong to him.  His role is diminished, she feels harried and over-worked.  Resist the urge to take leadership when you haven’t been asked.   Supply him with information he may need to make family decisions instead of making them yourself. 

4.                       Make sure you keep lines of authority and communication clear.

Whenever possible, talk to you husband about family matters in a private, calm atmosphere.  Pray for God’s guidance before broaching a difficult subject.  Put it off if the time is not right.  Try to be available when your husband wants to talk.  Don’t discuss things with your children that should be kept between the marital couple.  Don’t try to win the children to your side of an issue.  Don’t make a child your confidant.  Communicate to your children the order of authority in your home.   When they see you submit to your husband’s leadership it will make it easier for them to submit to other people in authority in their lives.                            

  5.  Make service your mission.

        Serve willingly, selflessly.

Affection and understanding, consideration and pampering – all help you and your husband feel closer.  If he doesn’t return the favors, consider them a gift of love to him.  Some men learn from their wife’s behavior.  Be careful of disappointment; don’t let it stop you. Don’t allow yourself to get stuck in the bottomless “What about Me?” rut.  Expect nothing, and anything that comes will seem special. Appreciate everything and have a heart of joy and gratitude.