COMMUNICATION I

Guarding Marriage

Every marriage is in danger if communication is not carefully guarded.  That sometimes means being careful not to respond out of hurt feelings, wounded pride, or thoughts of desperation.  Once when my husband and I were going through a rough patch we were having protracted heated discussions.  This took place over a period of weeks whenever the children were out of earshot.  At one point, in complete exhaustion my husband said, “I don’t know.  Maybe marriages like ours (career military) just can’t make it.”  

 

Actually, several marriages in our circle had recently broken up.  I realize now that if I had responded out of pride or hurt or fear we would have been in serious trouble.  I also realize now that my husband’s comment was an expression of his fears.  But I just turned into a crazy woman.  “What are you talking about?”  I screamed.  “No one and nothing outside the two of us is going to determine how long we stay married.  This marriage is not up for grabs.  It does not belong to the Marine Corps: itbelongs to us.  What is happening now is not a threat to our marriage because we are not giving that up.  We just have to find a way to work through this but it has nothing to do with our staying married!”  I was literally shrieking at him, as close up as I could get.  I was protecting the most important thing in my (natural) life: my marriage!  As I held on to him I saw what looked like relief in his face.  Until that moment he wasn’t sure how much trouble we were in.  He was from a broken home and he wanted to know if I was giving up.  By suggesting that this problem could end our marriage, he had put it all in perspective for me. 

 

Wives, sometimes we are the guardians of our marriages.  Take a stand for the marriage and assume that everything else can be worked out.  It may not turn out that way but it is the best place to start.